Stephanie

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

My toddler either walks around the house butt naked or full outfit, knitted hat, four jumpers, coat, socks, wellies. There is no in between.

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

One of my new favourite hobbies is watching people get irate over small neighbourhood issues in my estate Facebook group

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

6 months pp with baby 2 💪🏻

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

Mila ‘mum Parker’s not well so I had a good idea, I’ll put bum cream on his head ok?’

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

Store bought salads be like: Leaves & shit < Red onion

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

Think holiday, but with a 3 year old and a baby

[Zack Bornstein @ZackBornstein]

I don’t understand how COVID is still spiking after we’ve tried everything from pretending it’s over to pretending it never happened

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

Whenever something big happens in the news I think everyone needs reminding that opinions are not facts

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

As an adult one of my favourite things to do is watch someone ring my doorbell on the ring camera, watch them waiting there, while thinking to myself, who are they? What do they want? Have I annoyed someone? And never find out because I don’t answer

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

Hello, I’d just like to dress my baby boy in something that isn’t blue and doesn’t have a dinosaur/car/whale/shark/tractor on it. World:

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

Riddle me this, it’s almost 10pm on a Monday night, why is my toddler wide awake in her room singing the theme to spongebob square pants?

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

Sainsbury’s delivery guy called me ‘Mrs Wade’ about five times and I’ve never felt so old or insulted that he didn’t assume automatically that I was Mrs Wade’s daughter

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

Was feeling extra tired lately so made a note of my night time wake schedule- trauma.

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

I’m on holiday, but with my kids. It means I still get up 45 times a night and change shit and piss all day and get screamed at but I’ve changed locations

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

Just found out courtesy of Andrew that the Kremlin is in fact a building and isn’t, as I’ve thought for my entire adult life, the nickname of Putin.

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

Always forget to not seek reassurance from my parents for anything. Showing them pictures of my postpartum stomach progress- ‘all those pictures look the same.’

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

Love this Charlotte tilbury dry sheet mask. She’s serving serial killer vibes. Every night can be Friday the 13th

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

Baby up every hour, toddler up from 4, came downstairs to the cat who’d taken a dump on the sofa

[Stephanie @StephClaireM]

Relaxing Sunday: 4.40 wake up, change baby, feed baby, change toddler, feed toddler, feed baby again. Feed toddler again, change baby again. Change toddler again. Repeat until the end of time