Stephanie Schwartz

I don’t really do this anymore.

[Stephanie Schwartz @stephxschwartz]

Alec Baldwin was in an upsetting amount of movies in the 90’s

[Stephanie Schwartz @stephxschwartz]

My friend just sent me her potions (essential oils) and I’m absolutely dying. “One second, no keep talking… I just two need shots of my “Be More Tolerant” juice to finish this conversation.”

[Stephanie Schwartz @stephxschwartz]

@millwallfanli Oh beans!

[Stephanie Schwartz @stephxschwartz]

I just feel like if she fully embraced the villain archetype this could be the funniest thing out of the royal family since the Henry VII creating a religion to get away from his wife

[New York Post @nypost]

Meghan Markle is a ‘dictator’ who ‘terrifies’ staff, has ‘reduced grown men to tears,’ bombshell Hollywood Reporter exposé claims https://t.co/35vW5VAwio

[💐💐💐 @Rosiem95]

nothing’s beating this

[Stephanie Schwartz @stephxschwartz]

@gagasyuyi She is the most interesting woman alive. And one thing about Julia… if she tells a story, she has receipts.

[Stephanie Schwartz @stephxschwartz]

Ask me again about the time I was five and my Sunday school teacher told me the forbidden fruit Eve ate in the garden was a green apple so I spent the first twelve years of my life convinced a Granny Smith was gonna drag me to hell.

[Stephanie Schwartz @stephxschwartz]

@heluvstat So a dog?

[Stephanie Schwartz @stephxschwartz]

The sign at the karaoke bar said they could play any song. So anyways this is Oceans.

[Stephanie Schwartz @stephxschwartz]

I’ve also taken the Taylor- Joy last name.

[best of anya taylor-joy @anyafolders]

Anya Taylor-Joy’s husband, Malcolm, took her last name.

[Stephanie Schwartz @stephxschwartz]

I order my Frappuccino‘s “business casual.”
(no whip)

[Stephanie Schwartz @stephxschwartz]

@annnnnnnnnad Retweet

[Stephanie Schwartz @stephxschwartz]

@annnnnnnnnad I deleted all my texts from my cousin the week before she died (cuz my phone was filled up) and I thought “oh my god we text all the time it’ll be fine!” Biggest regret of my life. But I know I would still be rereading them to this day so it may have been a blessing in disguise.

[Stephanie Schwartz @stephxschwartz]

@annnnnnnnnad Can I use this as my hinge bio?

[Stephanie Schwartz @stephxschwartz]

@annnnnnnnnad I’m SCREAMING

[Stephanie Schwartz @stephxschwartz]

Just had the Uber driver circle the block so I didn’t show up for my unsurprise surprise birthday party early.

[Stephanie Schwartz @stephxschwartz]

Real talk. When’s the last time we think Lady Gaga was in a Costco?