my 14-year-old son has barely said five words to me at the dinner table for the last three months. he just eats, gives me a one-word answer about his day, and immediately goes back to his room. it’s been breaking my heart.
yesterday, i volunteered to drive him and his friends to a comic shop forty minutes away. on the way back, after his friends dropped off, i didn't turn on the radio and i didn't ask him a single question about his grades or his future. i just let the silence sit.
out of nowhere, he started talking about a specific video game lore he’s obsessed with. he went on for thirty straight minutes without stopping, completely animated and excited. i just listened, nodded, and asked about the characters.
when he got out of the car, he looked back and said, "thanks for the ride, mom. today was actually really fun."
i sat in the driveway for a minute just trying not to cry.
it reminded me that teens don't hate talking to us, they just hate feeling interrogated. sometimes you have to completely drop your own agenda and just let them share their world on their own terms, even if that world is just video game trivia.
Them: "why didn't you just ask for help??"
ADHD: Because asking for help requires:
-knowing I need help
-knowing what kind of help
-finding the right person
-using words
-being perceived
Сейчас очень тяжёлое время.
И сейчас важно заботиться о себе и близких не только физически, но и ментально.
Если вас трясёт, вы не «слабые» и не «слишком впечатлительные».
Психика так реагирует на угрозу, неопределённость и потерю ощущения контроля.
Что можно сделать прямо сейчас:
1. Сначала тело.
Вода, еда, тёплая одежда, зарядка телефона, документы, лекарства, простой план действий.
Психике всегда легче, когда у тела есть опора.
2. Ограничьте новости.
Не обновляйте ленту каждые 3 минуты.
Выберите 1-2 надёжных источника и проверяйте их по времени, а не по тревоге.
3. Назовите вслух, что происходит.
«Мне страшно».
«Меня трясёт».
«Я сейчас в тревоге».
Когда чувство названо, его легче выдерживать.
4. Вернитесь в реальность через тело.
Почувствуйте стопы.
Обопритесь спиной.
Сделайте длинный выдох.
Посмотрите вокруг и назовите 5 предметов, которые видите.
5. Не оставайтесь в одиночной тревоге. Напишите близким.
Спросите: «Ты как?»
Скажите: «Мне страшно, побудь со мной на связи».
6. Не требуйте от себя «быть собранным».
Сейчас задача не в продуктивности.
Сейчас задача - пройти этот момент, не ломая себя изнутри.
Если рядом дети - им важна не идеальная версия вас, а честная и сильная опора:
«Да, сейчас тревожно. Да, взрослые занимаются этим. Всё будет хорошо, я рядом.»
Берегите себя. 🫂
Laughter is anti-inflammatory. Crying is regulating. Hugging is immunoprotective. Singing is vagal toning. Dancing is neurogenic.
Joy is a biological necessity.
My therapist told me, “No one notices your sadness until it turns into anger, and then you’re the problem. Healing is realizing you became the angry person because no one saw your sadness first” and I felt that.
As a neurodivergent person, your dream life is surprisingly simple.
Not luxury.
Not hustle.
Not optimization.
Just: • enough income to breathe
• enough energy to enjoy being alive
• people who understand your weirdness
• a home that feels safe
• a brain that isn't constantly at war with itself
That's the dream.
Any other neurodivergent people find that you underreact to things you're expected to have a Big Response to (death, break ups, terrible news) and overreact to things you're expected to not get upset about??
This is free advice from an expensive psychologist. If you’re an anxious person, do everything for fun. Go to a job interview for fun. Submit documents for fun. Start a blog for fun. Anxiety feeds on importance. Don’t make everything a matter of life and death.