Steve

#basic

[Faux Ma @Faux_Ma]

Therapist: You should probably quit cold turkey.

Me: I’m addicted to wine, not turkey.

[Lawrence Hurley @lawrencehurley]

“I’m here live, I’m not a cat,” says lawyer after Zoom filter mishap

“I can see that,” responds judge

[Natalie Montelongo @natimontelongo]

You can’t honor our frontline workers, while also fill a stadium with 25,000 people.

[Dan Price @DanPriceSeattle]

Uber Eats just spent $5.5 million plus whatever it cost to get Cardi B, Mike Meyers and Dana Carvey to tell us to "support local restaurants" while putting local restaurants out of business by charging them 30% delivery fees.

[azfamily 3TV CBS 5 @azfamily]

Woman tries to shoot Phoenix shoplifting suspect, hits Ace employee instead https://t.co/EMLwkf8rSF

[Sean1982 @seanmrasco82]

☠️😂

[Sean Murray @NoMansSky]

never in my 3 days of trading have I ever seen anything like this

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

Hedge funds are complaining about losing billions on GameStop, which means it’s a good time to invest in whatever company makes the world’s tiniest violins.

[Michelle Collins @michcoll]

Can’t believe Joe’s getting sworn in on a Cheesecake Factory menu

[Steve @steve0518]

Kirkpatrick 2020: Margarita?

[Steve @steve0518]

@lyzl My uncle lives in Madrid, IA. According to him, the majority landowner in the mid 1800s changed the name from Swedes Point to Madrid. He did this to piss off some other landowner who had a knowing hatred of Spain. People refused to say Madrid correctly as a form of protest.

[Louis Virtel @louisvirtel]

Facebook is where I go to watch childhood friends misunderstand the news.

[Steve @steve0518]

There better be a basket of candy sitting outside my door when I get home from work. I’m not fucking around this year.

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

First day of filming on the documentary was yesterday’s book event in Naperville. All of @TrueCrimeDiary’s family was there. Ended with me saying, “He’s running out of time.”
And now all of this. Surreal. #IllBeGoneInTheDark #GoldenStateKiller https://t.co/qPXz7a7hRy

[Brian Schatz @brianschatz]

That tweet about the $1.50 a week is not a PR mistake. It is really what they think.

[The Hummingbird 🐦 @SaysHummingbird]

This has been a tough choice for some in Alabama. I wish I was joking.

#AlabamaSenateElection #VoteDougJones #ALSEN #RightSideOfHistory #GOTV4Doug