Steven Carroll

“Sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes, the bar eats you”

[Steven Carroll @StevenCarroll8]

You + Me = 3 “Life is a journey not measured in miles or years but in experiences” Announcing Bridget Anne Carroll October 2020 #anchoringdown #calmbeforethestrom

[Arbaz kakkar @arbazkakkar5]

Got the COVID vax and 5 years later—BOOM! Starter goes out in my Camry

[Dan Clark @DanClarkSports]

The Red Sox have won 31 of their last 36 games and there is now a fucking childhood obesity epidemic in Boston.

[Adam Patrick @adampatrickNFL]

Jeff Passan looks like the version of a Batman villain before they become bad

[Grimace @CookedByGrimace]

Lesbian haircut

[Dan El Captain @Mrstanleycup]

Breaking news: Dodgers have signed relief pitcher Jesus Christ, and are in deep talks with the ghost of Babe Ruth.

[Conspiratorial Templates @mynamehear]

I can't believe Mitch McConnell died tomorrow

[Joshua Robert @JoshuaRobert56]

The best part of today’s #Mets game was the following line from @HowieRose:

“Here’s Jorge Polanco, batting .135… wait! 135? That’s not a batting average, that’s the Seaford Oyster Bay Expressway!”

I am going to miss that man in the @MetsBooth more than anyone can comprehend.

[Blue Georgia @BlueGeorgia]

Scott Galloway: Senator Paul, who filibustered the Patriot Act for ten hours complaining it was a surveillance state, is fine with the surveillance state when he's holding a flashlight.

The bumper sticker America needs isn't prosecute Fauci, it's prevent fucking measles.

[NoelCaslerComedy @caslernoel]

Trump treated Covid like a joke & over 1M died, threw a coup at Capitol then stole docs, went to Mar a Lago played golf & trolled Biden for 4 years, came back fired half of DC & painted it gold, let ICE lose on US, started a war w/Iran & stole billions. Mfker still walking free.

[Bobby Spence @postcrabcore]

Damn this would be sick though lol

[BetOnline @BetOnline_ag]

Once a Cowboy always a Cowboy am I right? 🤠😅

[Jon Cooper 🇺🇸 @joncoopertweets]

#WhereIsMitch

[Al Cappuccino…☕️🇮🇹 @AlCappuccinoIT]

We’re all Rand Paul’s neighbor today.

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

Food experts say that Taylor Farms iceberg lettuce can give you cyclosporiasis. A guy who snorts cocaine off toilet seats and drives around with dead bear cubs in his car says it can cure COVID. For busy eaters, it can be hard to know who to trust.

[Montreal Expos @Montreal_Expos]

Due to unforeseen circumstances, we have postponed our LeBron James introductory press conference indefinitely

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

Congratulations Spain!

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

Hey @JDVance. I wish I knew how to quit you.

[Greta @GretaGrace20]

Hey @JDVance you up?

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

RIP Lindsey Graham. You would’ve loved all this talk about salads getting tossed.