NYTPitchbot

Parody. @nytpitchbot.bsky.social More on Blue Sky than here these days. merch:

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

Some great new merch dropped on the Pitchbot store. Including these

https://t.co/1jT6neop1x

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

@jarvis_best Check out Bill Hurt doing Sun Also Rises. Amazing.

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

@3YearLetterman @BrothelNevada @MarthaStewart It's the whole reason he invented electricity. He needed it to power his dial-up modem.

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

@RichardHanania Naomi Wolf

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

@daveweigel Mike Hammer baby

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

Maybe if Democrats had spent less time on divisive social issues and more time on things that matter to regular working-class American, they would have been able to win by more than 13 points last Tuesday.

[Matthew Yglesias @mattyglesias]

[Every tech guy who bought MAGA at the top]:

"Oh so now it's a crime to have an affair with a Chinese spy who is also the CEO of company that's evading export controls while you also lobby the US government to go soft on evasion and weaken the controls?"

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

@GeopolWonk i'm sorry but when did he despise people like that?

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

This Is Utz

Chip-maker Jensen Huang thought his Chinese lover was Free-To Lay, but it turns out sleeping with a spy Ruffles feathers in Silicon Valley. Will the Nvidia board can him like a stack of Pringles?

by Maureen Dowd

[Khoa Vu @KhoaVuUmn]

The fact that two Huangs are involved in an affair, but only one takes the blame is commonly known as Jensen's Inequality.

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

My HARC (Hookers Above Replacement CEO) model estimates that Jensen Huang had affairs with 5-6 CCP assets. And I tell you the best place in Taipei to get Xiao Long Bao. All that and more in the next Silver Bulletin.

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

Comedians should not have to give trigger warnings. Unless they're about to make a joke about Charlie Kirk.

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

Jensen Huang should not have slept with a Chinese spy. He should’ve artificially inseminated her instead.

by Elon Musk

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

Leather and Lace

Bad boy Jensen got caught doing a duet with a Chinese gold dust woman. But at least she wasn't on the edge of seventeen.

by Maureen Dowd

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

The Spy Who Shagged Him

International man of mystery Jensen's life was going better than a Burt Bacharach song. But after a CCP honeypot made him horny, baby, Huang's World isn't so excellent anymore.

by Maureen Dowd

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

@HistoryBoomer You mean 21 not 11

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

@MsMelChen Wife guys are the easiest marks.

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

Shoot this into my veins

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

@juliaioffe Still up on Facebook with no correction

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

@_sidmehta @wirelesshogan @skcmcurry @AdrianDWallace @AndrewYang @zei_squirrel @stuartpstevens There were printed. Green Party and WFP