Steven Wolff

idea man

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

Even the grinch had his own place AND a dog

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

Don’t forget—scrooge was rich, and the grinch had a dog and his own place.

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

It’s nuts that anyone my age who is rich only got that way because they were brave enough to buy drugs on the dark web in college.

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

It does sound quite magical to have worked on SNL. You know what wasn’t magical—watching it on TV!

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

Do I want a lady who is good at talking to my family or a lady who is good at watching movies?

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

I hate myself for hating myself

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

Just remember, we could all be as cool as Scott Pilgrim if we moved to Toronto.

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

Never date a girl with a bad memory—she will only recall the bad times and deny your own existence

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

Nothing is more terrifying than a woman who used to love you that now hates you.

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

My Instagram story just got a grand slam—all 4 of my exes watched.

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

Weed and video games are the wine and cheese of our generation.

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

@peeweeherman @nbc @nbcsnl Does anyone know where I can find this sketch? It’s cut out of the ep on peacock. It’s one of the funniest of all time. Please I need to share it!

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

@EpicGames @FortniteGame
I’ve been asking for years—how about a Pee Wee Herman skin?!

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

I must be one of the smartest most attractive people in the entire world that has never once exercised or read a book.

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

Trumps trial
https://t.co/NtwwMYI0OW

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

Cargo pants went from statement to staple within a year

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

There were definitely some Puerto Ricans at the pride parade today

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

Cargo pants went from statement to staple over the course of 1 year.

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

Dane cook in middle school, Zach galifinakis in high school, Louie ck in college.

[Steven Wolff @stevenwolffnyc]

@croquetasytetas You do that too?!