Steven Shatzer

The best husband my wife has ever had, world's okayest dad, and a physical therapist.

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

@alt_w_v_g You should’ve spoken to @chasedownleads before going. he would’ve found a way to get the Tahoe and make passive income off the dealership. Lost opportunity on your part.

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

I have never read Lord Of The Flies, but I assume it’s about a dad who is tired of his kids leaving the door open and letting flies in; so he infiltrates the fly species, climbs their social hierarchy to become lord, and bans them from entering his house.

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

Me: Ok Grace, take 3 more bites of dinner.
Grace: How about 10 more bits?
Me: you drive a hard bargain, sure, 10 more bites.

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

Day 21: I’m grateful for sleep

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

Day 20: I’m grateful my external sphincters are functional as they should.

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

Day16: I’m grateful for ice cream.

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

Day 7: I’m grateful for a 4 day work week

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

Day 4: I’m grateful for a less than 20 min commute

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

Clara reads a joke off Laffy Taffy wrapper.
Noah: “that didn’t make me laugh. Make it funnier.”

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

Petition to change the folklore of tooth fairy leaving money under pillow to tooth fairy leaving money in a 529.

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

5 yo: I saw a spider. I think it was a mommy long legs. It was a little smaller than a daddy long legs.

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

I parent my kids this way, and since you do not parent your kids this way, that makes me a better parent than you.

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

Day 30: As I wrap up a decade of doing grateful November, I’m grateful for everyone who suffered through the past ten years

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

Day 20: I’m grateful for warm showers

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

Day 18: I’m grateful for everyone that just scrolls past these so they don’t realize I posted this one late.

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

Day 16: I’m grateful that Thursdays are my Fridays

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

Day 14: I’m grateful for external sphincters

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

Day 11: I’m grateful to be a citizen of the United States of America and for those that make that possible. #ThankYouForYourService

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

Day 7: I’m grateful for a 15 minute commute.

[Steven Shatzer @steveshatz24]

Day 6: I’m grateful for short morning jogs.