Sat in A&E at the hospital right now after burning my feet badly.
All I wanted was some hot dog sausages.
Instructions on the tin said, 'Stand in a saucepan of boiling water for 2 minutes'
@tog1989 A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, “Give me your wallet or you’re science!”
The man says, “Don’t you mean history?”
The mugger yells, “Don’t try to change the fucking subject!”
"If you wanna be a rockstar, look out the window, stare at the clouds and do loud farts."
Read our interview with Liam Gallagher: https://t.co/1gXJab6LBY
Black Country mon guz to the vets and sez “Adu mi mon. Con yow ave a look at me cat fu’me?”
The vet says “of course, sir. Is it a Tom?”
“Course it ay, ya yampy sod. Brought it wimme ay I!”
@bigtom1982 I can imagine pal I’ve never been his biggest fan style, formation is totally wrong. A few names flying around but I wouldn’t mind wilder from sheff Utd young hungry and record speaks for itself