@beckstaa i work in an acute psychiatric care unit so its not just EDs its also every other mental illness under the sun so its not super triggering ig but im sorry youre going through this i hope you can at least let them stabilize u :(
i lost about 10 lbs in the past week but i hit a plateau bcz i cant sleep so the night fat just rolls over and destroys the morning skinny
i also unintentionally decreased my cals from 1000 limit to 800 limit and somehow i gained a lil
after several months of pretending i have a good relationship with food i just locked tf in idk how because i havenβt binged or even eaten any processed food in over a week which might be a new record for me
there are things i want in the future but more than my desires are the deep set beliefs that i dont deserve them and wont be able to manage them. i really believe kms is the smartest thing i could do but but in honesty im scared
what rly sux tho is not being able to talk to anyone in my life about how depressed i am or even that im struggling at all. im 22, im a college graduate, i have fucking adult shit to handle and so do all my friends. depression just isnt acceptable now but its still there always
and i feel judged by my friends who used to be depressed too back in middle/high school when it was find to hate life openly and they all just recovered and live productive lives so what would they think of me if they knew i cant do the same thing?
like no one wants or needs to hear how often i think about kms and how much i dont deserve to live and would be better off dead when at the end of the day im prolly not gonna do it. would be crying wolf but i rly have these thoughts constantly
basically i quit vaping and like 8 months later my appetite caught up to me. also when i vaped i could fast so long so easy. i fasted for 2 days and threw tf up so much water from how nauseous it made me. i was so shaky and shit too it sucked..
@audreyeats what are your health issues if youβre comfortable sharing? iv been fasting and heavily restricting a lot lately cuz im desperate, i may need a dose of reality