Stressed Hot Mess

Mom. Wife. Friend. Imperfect Perfectionist, Co-Dependent, Anxious, Hypochondriac. Trying to Keep it Real in an Impossible World Through Humor & Love.

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

Me: *Drinking a beer*

4 year old: That isn’t a Coronavirus beer is it?? Because THAT would be a problem.

On so many levels kid...

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

Me: We can’t go anywhere for a while guys, I’m sorry... we have to stay safe and keep others safe. You should go outside and play!

6 year old: *under her breath* This is some bullshit...

She’s not wrong...

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

I’ve said “everything is fine” so many times to my kids today, that I’m actually starting to realize that everything is not fucking fine.

[Julie Burton @ksujulie]

My daughter woke up 11:30 am and the first words out of her mouth were, “what day is it?”

To be honest, I have no clue.

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

When are hair salons going to be “essential business”? My mullet and grey hairs are asking.

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

Nothing is more validating that you’re NOT funny, than twitter. #brutal

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

First there were instructions about “how to wash our hands”... now “how to not touch your face” directions are rolling out. How have we made it this far? #COVID19 #WashYourHands #DONTtouchYOURface

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

@Noachl @iamblackmamba76 Wait, are we not supposed to do that? I’d rather give myself a high five right now than anyone else, anyway...#donttouchme #SocialDistancing #noshame

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

Is “liking” your own tweets taboo? Because Idgaf, it’s the only way I’m getting any... #desperatetimes

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

And by help, I mean a robotic nanny who’s self quarantined for 14 days, with no symptoms of #COVID19...#IMPORTANT #SocialDistancing

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

I made it an hour homeschooling my kids, now I have bowls of snacks and electronic devices strategically placed around the house and hoping for the best #sendhelp

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

No one has a stronger false sense of confidence, than a mom in a SUV with a horn and f-bombs.

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

I finally rode the #peloton bike I had sitting in the living room for two months, the other day.

I’d been watching my husband - huffing and puffing... dropping f-bombs left and right. I was terrified.

Well, I did it. I’m pretty sure this is how I die.

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

When do you grow out of getting the giggles when you see the number “69”? Asking for a friend...

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

Da fuq... I keep responding to myself. I quit.

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

24 hours in and the twitterverse is brutal... one of these days I’ll get a like. #overreacting

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

Maybe if I knew what I was doing, I’d be better at this. I don’t even know how to respond to someone... 🤣🤣🤣 It’s been a long 24 hours.

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

100%

[Stressed Hot Mess @stressedhotmess]

Pretty sure I was not meant to be a full time work from home mom, homeschool teacher, house cleaner, personal chef, pet sitter, doomsday prepper, and hoarder. All at the same time.

I’m still sweating and my offspring look like the garbage pail kids. Better luck tomorrow folks.