Stuff My Wife Tells Me

I'm 51 years old with 5 kids and one grandson. I have no clue. My wife helps me.

[Stuff My Wife Tells Me @StuffTells]

Me: drops epic, unfunny Dad joke on fam.

12 yr old son: Did you just have a stroke?

Wife: Well, did you?

#dadjokes #dadisfat #DadBod

[Stuff My Wife Tells Me @StuffTells]

Wife makes pancakes. They are very large.

Wife: you don't need a 2nd pancake.
Me: why not?
Wife: because you're not exercising and you're going Corona yourself out of your jeans.

#Coronavirustruth

[Stuff My Wife Tells Me @StuffTells]

Happy to report I do this every day. Thank you Corona.

[Go Ask Your Dad @_goaskyourdad_]

If your husband isn’t doing air hump motions at you on the daily, are you even quarantined together?

[Stuff My Wife Tells Me @StuffTells]

Wife: cooking breakfast.
Me: waiting for breakfast.
Wife: well, if the kids thought I was a food nazi before...

[Stuff My Wife Tells Me @StuffTells]

I asked my wife when she was delivering the booty.

She asked me when I'd be taking deliveries.

Honestly, I wasn't ready for that response.

#dadjoke #Dads #dadlife

[Stuff My Wife Tells Me @StuffTells]

@johncusack

[Stuff My Wife Tells Me @StuffTells]

@emilysuzannet I'll just eat the jam. That's easier.

[Stuff My Wife Tells Me @StuffTells]

Heard my wife talking so I went in the kitchen..

"Are you talking to me?"
"Not unless you're the idiot that threw up beside their food dish."

#MenAreNotVeryGoodAt #dadlife #DadBod

[Stuff My Wife Tells Me @StuffTells]

I was talking to my wife and she looked away.

"Is my breath bad?"

"It's either that or the cat's butt."

#MenAreNotVeryGoodAt #dadlife

[Stuff My Wife Tells Me @StuffTells]

I was wandering around the living room..

Wife, "what do you need?"
Me, "nothing, why?"

Wife, "Well I'm getting ready to shower and want to make sure you survive the 20 min I'll be gone."

#MenAreNotVeryGoodAt #dadlife