Absolute Eunuch

Faith. Family. Fashion

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

It feels kinda fucked up that Peacock is forcing me to watch pickup truck commercials during the Tour de France, but there used to be a whole-ass pro cycling team named after a British SUV, so maybe we deserve this

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

Hate when I have to poop while I’m eating. It’s like washing your car during a thunderstorm

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

@xXJhXx0 @DetroitPistons Go comment under the Suns’ post, you jabroni

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

Not a good week for Grahams

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

@Sanchezhof @DetroitPistons My brother in Christ, it’s summer league. I implore you to log off and touch some grass.

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

Broke or woke: commenting “who here in 2026” on your own YouTube videos

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

I have two pairs of those pants where you can zip off the bottom so to make them shorts, but I can’t find one pair and it’s 110+ all week, so I’m doing so much laundry

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

I want Chief Keef to be president for America 300

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

I’ve been taking daily vitamins for years, but I somehow forget how to swallow pills every couple days. I’m like… getting worse at it. Is that a thing?

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

Rapping is just an open world puzzle game with style points

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

NBA trade deadline going crazy. Everybody’s moving moving moving moving

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

St Vincent de Paul Wall, the People’s Champ

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

I heard LeBron James is looking for a new team, and I think he’d be a great fit for the claims team at my job. I’d even take a pay cut so he could get 35% of the salary cap as long as I get my referral bonus and he agrees to attend at least two happy hours

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

@BisqueBoi Jalen Hurts is Charlie Kirk?

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

I hope Jalen Brown gets traded somewhere with no WiFi

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

“Convinced” was a strong word. I’m simply positing this theory

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

Hot take: I don’t think tall people can make impulsive decisions. The signals from their brain have to travel so far to get to the rest of their body that I’m convinced they have time to think things through. It’s science.

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

*onto

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

Whoever came up with the idea to superimpose advertisements into the field/court of play during the telecasts of sporting events ought to be drawn and quartered

[Absolute Eunuch @subersays]

Isn’t a young buck just a fawn?