Subprimepersonality

[Sweet Momissa @sweetmomissa]

Edging but it’s just only having one cocktail left while your team is on a rain delay.

[John Halo @EpicMasterChief]

Trying to pick up girls at the ren faire when I'm dressed in carhartt and a wizard hat I got from spirit halloween

[OneToothTeXan @OneToothTeXan]

I might be out to trigger a few peeps tonight. Please ignore me, if you know me.

[Blather Wince Repeat @xerxesbigboy]

First off, you weren’t making any friends by calling me “the creature.”
~ Keith from the Black Lagoon

[Natasha Something @IfIwassomething]

Footballs are cow balloons.

[Buck @LearnedBuck]

On the horn with my guy at the bistro gonna have him whip me up a club.

[wurm @wurmm_]

using my turn signal to preemptively warn people in traffic that i am going to crash into the car on my left

[GrundleMyNundlle @GrundleNundle]

Repeated exposure to trampoline static has rendered me infertile.

[The Sensitive Warrior @coffeetime33]

Don’t come to my sleepover squeezing big lines of my toothpaste

[Slappy @Slapmemam]

this is a break-in. don’t scream, i just need to borrow a charger

[Ava @avainwordland]

First day at a crematorium: Let’s make them all medium rare.

[Softboy @softboywin]

Actually I think slacking off for the last hour before clocking out is completely reasonable
After all, I spend an hour getting ready before work, so what's wrong with spending an hour getting ready to leave work?

[ziapositive @ziapositive]

Realizing I got much higher salary than my parents at their age but they bought a house at my age and I bought this avocado on sale…

[Nope, It's Gone @Joust_A_Minute]

Just cooked one of those A-Team sponge cakes.
I love it when a flan comes together.

[jan levinson @janlevinson69]

It’s called “cluster b” cuz she b sexy asf

[jan levinson @janlevinson69]

Smoking a cig in full lululemon… Gwyneth Paltrow come get y’all juice

[Slappy @Slapmemam]

The last time I felt at peace was during a fire drill, everyone calm, everyone leaving, no questions asked.

[they/them might be giants ☭ @babadookspinoza]

Wild how everything got super expensive except an hour of labor.

[𝖇𝖋 @el_cucuy930]

the meh is taking over, i’d try to stop it but meh

[Thrilla the Gorilla @ThrillaRilla369]

Being an adult taught me that having extra money means I probably forgot to pay something.