Nicholas J. Parsons

Your mom will ask about me every holiday for the next ten years.

[Nicholas J. Parsons @suckmynicc]

Someone should check in on Weinerschnitzel. Haven’t heard from her in a while

[Nicholas J. Parsons @suckmynicc]

4% ABV? That means it’s 96% water

[Nicholas J. Parsons @suckmynicc]

Every time I think I’m good, my contemplative ass takes a several hours long train ride and I realize I’ve never gotten over a single thing that’s ever happened to me.

[🥷 @_iamhabeeb]

Until death, all defeat is psychological.

[blaire @pissshit90001]

Leaving the club with 0 phone numbers and 0 instagrams cuz I’m an alcoholic not a hoe

[Nicholas J. Parsons @suckmynicc]

I don’t like calamari. Get those deep fried foreskins outta my face.

[Nicholas J. Parsons @suckmynicc]

I WAS LOGGED OUT FOR A YEAR BUT IM BACK BABY

[cubicle claire @soupyluver]

the worst person you know every 6 months:

[hersch @tittyrespecter]

people who started adderall as a young child: “it stole a part of my soul which will never be returned to me”

people who started adderall as an adult: “everything i have and everything i am is granted by the blessings of my daily meth”

[Nicholas J. Parsons @suckmynicc]

2 nights in a row I’ve dreamt vividly of riding a lime scooter, I need answers

[cheyene norah @onlyyagirl_]

Life is kinda all about food, sex and music if you really think about it

[Nicholas J. Parsons @suckmynicc]

Touching grass isn’t enough, I need to boof unpasteurized milk and throw my phone in a lake

[🂱 @laylology]

Hey man thanks for switching up on me like that. You kinda set me free bro

[Nicholas J. Parsons @suckmynicc]

If I smoked menthols I’d put em in the freezer first like junior mints

[Nicholas J. Parsons @suckmynicc]

God my life would be so much easier if I were a dumb whore

[jynx @jynxbby]

“i’m in your city”

uhhh have fun??

[Nicholas J. Parsons @suckmynicc]

I think we owe her an apology
#nokings

[Nicholas J. Parsons @suckmynicc]

9/11 was an in a handjob, or whatever

[Nicholas J. Parsons @suckmynicc]

This elderberry tea tastes like cum