William Cheng

LA based Comedian, professional disappointment, and sassy gaysian with a shaky will to live

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

Literally everyone: How’s dating going?
My email inbox:

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

Happy pride! Some of you bitches really need this 💖

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

When it’s been 2 years since you’ve had sex and postmates cums to the rescue 💦

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

Of course the video where I call myself a c*mdump goes viral...

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

Because fascism is dry coochie energy ✨

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

One time I hooked up with guy and after we were done he told me that my best physical feature was my sense of humor. And I think about that once a month 🙃

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

This is a PSA for all the white people who are saying that words like cracker, mayonnaise, or wonder bread are “white slurs.” At best, this is just a very boring shopping list.

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

I got tested for covid today and the person administering the test was shocked with how unphased I was having the cotton swab all the way up my nose. Anyways, I miss cocaine.

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

Happy Juneteenth! Loving all the black joy, black voices, black creators and black businesses on my feed. I don’t want to see anything white unless it’s white tears.

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

Woke up this morning and took my PrEP pill for the nonexistent sex I’m having and chased it down with the almost empty bottle of tequila next to my bed. I’m coming out of this quarantine gayer more powerful than ever.

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

@Spidermansjunk1 Given our current economy, that’s just the best financial decision

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

I don’t ever want to hear straight dudes say they wouldn’t suck a dick for $10,000 dollars when #TigerKing has taught me y’all would do it for meth and guns.

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

@JaneJohnsen I’ve eaten through all my rations already

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

@HarperRoseD Let’s do a table read of your pilot via FaceTime LOLOL

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

Day 3 of quarantine: Today I ate shredded cheese out of the bag. It’s like I’m back I college, how fun!

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

I want you all to know that while people were stocking up on groceries and supplies I bought ice cream sandwiches and wine. Who wants me on their apocalypse team?

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

And that will be the only time hoarding all that toilet paper would be useful because y’all would be shitting yourselves then. Happy quarantine ✨

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

This coronavirus quarantine is a good practice drill for when climate change takes a turn and comes to claim the rest of us.

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

Can confirm— this tweet is directly followed by someone showing hole on my timeline. Yes, I’m aware that I have just exposed myself.

[Chris Bryant @tenderchris]

Twitter deserves more praise for being the only place you can see horrifying live updates of a global pandemic next to a preview of someone’s Only Fans.

[William Cheng @sumofyum]

I love watching shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette because it really confirms how happy I am to be not straight.