Dorinn @sunbloomeden - Twitter Profile

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3 days ago

This started as a poem I wrote 25 years ago. Calamity I kept a smaller life Folded out of sight You found the seam Where “seem” had been hiding And pulled it wide Every quiet I was proud of Every lock I called a home You picked the lock by calling it Then walked through like you’d paid For the right to make it known I’m not asking you to spare me I’m asking you to be Exact When you put your hands on me No extract, no act, no almost-touch Hands on. Mean it. I felt you in the plaster first Plastered in the past, her In the pipe-tick, in the jaw Lockjaw on a name I wouldn’t say In the way a room goes listening Before it learns the law I named you weather, named you whether Named you wither, went to bed You stayed under the floorboards Floored me without stepping Counting every word I never said Like interest on a debt That learned my handwriting And read me back to death Don’t come like a rumor Rumor’s just ruin with the “I” filed off Don’t come like a maybe Maybe’s a baby word for men who leave If you’re going to touch the lock Then take the door off with it Don’t knock. Know. Don’t ask. Arrive. I won’t dress you up pretty I won’t make you kind You’re the crack running silent Through the back of my mind A fine line, a fault line, a “not tonight” That night kept rewriting Till the quiet I collected Came due as a crime When the air gets heavy And the night leans in I’ll still only have This one word left in Left in. Left inn. No vacancy. No chapel. Just the mouth I kept empty For the thing I wouldn’t say Calamity That’s the whole prayer Prey-er The thing that hunts a hush Calamity That’s the whole dare There Where the floor forgets it’s floor And remembers it’s a door Do it I’m here I’m not looking away Not a look, not a lie, not a lighter prayer I’m here. Do it. You don’t knock You remember You don’t ask You arrive Like a debt that found the signature Still wet inside the life Like a mean that learned a meaning Then came back to mean it twice I can stand the wreckage honest Wreck. Age. The years it took to dress the crack I can stand the dark with weight What I can’t stand is the almost All-most, never-all Loving just enough to hesitate A half-hate. A half-stay. The cruelest kind of late So don’t kiss the glass and vanish Don’t rattle me and go A rattle ain’t a name A kiss ain’t a cost If you started in my teeth Then finish what I already know Don’t leave the sentence hanging From the hook inside my throat If this is the breaking Let it be clean A clean break, a break-clean, No dust called “I didn’t mean” If this is the taking Take the whole fucking thing Don’t take a taste and call it mercy Don’t take a piece and call it peace Take the lock, the life, the lying quiet Take the house I built from “please” No half-ruin Ruin means the roof comes too No soft exit Exit’s just exist with the spine pulled through No leaving me Married to the almost A vow to a ghost That never paid the priest Calamity Stay long enough To fucking mean it Mean it like meaning Mean it like cruel Mean it like the means And the end in the same mouth Don’t mean well Mean it Stay till the word and the wound agree A chord. A cord. Cut or keep Stay till it costs you something too No free haunt. No cheap weather Stay till I say it in my sleep Calamity And wake up knowing What to do with you Calamity That’s the whole prayer Not pretty, not pious, Just please with the knees kicked out Calamity That’s the whole dare Not brave, not blessed, Just stay with the safety ripped out Do it I’m here I’m not looking away If you’re flood, flood If you’re fault, fault If you’re only passing through To leave me holding “almost” That’s a different devil And I’ll give it a different name But if you’re this If you’re the seam and the steal The lock and the law The hands and the haul Calamity Stay long enough To fucking mean it Stay till the mark is a map Stay till the cost has a face Stay till “calamity” Ain’t a warning It’s the place Do it I’m here I’m not looking away Calamity

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Dorinn

@SunbloomEden

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