Ranger of the woods

like a wizard, but green

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

Refer to the necrotic gnome for more information

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

Me working my minimum wage food service job: hi there! How are you doing today?
The doordash driver with an order of 12 virgin souls:

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

Me: So not only do one of you say the truth, one says only lies, and the last says either randomly, but you both only say it in norp and zark, and I have. I clue which means yes and which means no?
The utterly confusing trio of aliens:

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

Me: oh man I can’t hold it in! I gotta go! I guess going on the woods won’t hurt
The weirdass creature interrupting my call to nature:

[The Wizard @wizardsextape]

BREAKING: Tim Walz has been spotted hanging out with a "bad piggy" from the famous "Angry Birds" series of video games and movies. Does this man really have America's best interests at heart? Or does he just want to steal our precious eggs?

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

We don’t have this anymore. I gotta say the hard truth. We just don’t. And you wanna know why? Say it with me now, it’s because of woke.

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

*me talking with my work friend*
Him: yeah my son has only been eating meatballs recently, we started calling him the meatball maniac
*me trying to conjure a hyper dimensional meatball monster of pure evil* and you said his birthday was pretty soon?

[The Wizard @wizardsextape]

President Biden has decided to end his re-election campaign to rest and focus on his pregnancy with two beautiful big green sons

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

Say hi to the green gooner everyone

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

I might be non binary
Girls and guys are great, but I’ve always related more to this guy

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

Don’t feel like having skin anymore so I got rid of it

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

@woman_mage Not me
Pretty sure they think I died in that Pegasus accident

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

This is my 7 year old son meethor he was just eaten by a carnivorous plant please send me love and support or a virgin soul to sacrifice

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

The source of my power is located in Reno Nevada, find it if you must. It looks like this

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

@wizardsextape I liked that but only a little bit

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

Her: you gotta be John Biden drinking the mysterious potion if you think we’ll be casting hexes
Me asf:

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

Should let you know my unabomber hut flooded and now I’m currently looking for a new place to stay if anyone is willing to let me sleep on their magic couch just lmk

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

Did you know the show dexter was based on my true story? Except the show took a lot of creative liberties and they made it less about me finding lizards and bugs off the ground and eating them

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

@EVILSKULLDUDE @wizardsextape

[Ranger of the woods @supercoolranger]

Have any of you seen my- NOOOO GET OUT OF HERE MARCUS I DONT WANT YOU HEREEEE

[The Wizard @wizardsextape]

If you're seeing the news about Donald Trump's guilty verdict, you might be wondering: what does this mean for his campaign? What does it mean for the 2024 election?

Luckily there is an easy answer to your questions! He will be fed to the Pit Beast 😥