Ivan

The speed of light is the square root of the inverse of the product of the vaccuum permeability and permittivity constants of free space

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I needed to move a sofa.

I mentioned this to an American. He said, "You know anybody with a truck?"

I did not know anybody with a truck.

He looked at me with real concern. Not pity. Concern. The way you look at a man who has told you he does not have a name.

"You gotta know somebody with a truck."

I asked how one acquires such a person.

He said, "You just do."

This is the third time I have received that answer in this country. It is the answer to everything here. You just do. There is no process. There is only the eventual fact of having.

He said, "Ask Kevin."

I do not know a Kevin. He said Kevin like I should. He said it the way you say a shared uncle.

I met Kevin four days later. Kevin owns a truck. Kevin does not own a truck for himself. Nobody owns a truck for themselves. Kevin owns a truck for a fifteen mile radius.

Inside I said: THIS MAN HAS TAKEN A VOW. HE DID NOT ANNOUNCE IT. HE SIMPLY PURCHASED A BED AND ACCEPTED THE CONSEQUENCES.

Kevin arrived on Saturday. He brought the truck. He also brought a second man.

I had not asked for a second man.

The second man's name is Tony. Tony came because Kevin came. Tony did not know me. Tony did not ask what we were moving. Tony brought gloves.

They moved the sofa in eleven minutes.

I offered them money. Both of them laughed at the same time, which felt rehearsed and was not.

I asked what I owed them.

Kevin said, "Buy the pizza."

That is the price. That is the entire economy. The truck costs one pizza and the pizza is not negotiable and the pizza is also not expensive and everyone knows what size.

Inside I said: THE FEE IS FIXED ACROSS THE ENTIRE NATION AND WAS SET BY NO ONE.

We ate on the floor because the sofa was against the wall and none of us wanted to be the first to sit on it.

Tony told me his daughter plays soccer. I asked if she is good. He said, "She's aggressive."

I still think about that.

Three weeks later, Kevin texted me.

"You free Sunday? Helping Tony move a fridge."

He did not ask if I wanted to. He informed me of a fridge.

Inside I said: I HAVE BEEN CALLED UP. I DID NOT ENLIST. THE PAPERS WERE FILED ON MY BEHALF.

I went. I moved the fridge. I have no truck. I contributed only arms.

Afterward, a man I had never met asked me if I knew anybody with a truck.

I said, "Yeah, I got a guy."

I have a guy.

I am somebody's guy now, too. Tony has told two people about me.

He describes me as "the guy who's strong for his size."

I have never been prouder of a sentence in my life.

[Ivan @supersillyivan]

Coding coders be like: Claude tokens. Bro, be quiet. This isn’t a French arcade

[JuanSanchez @JuanSanchez0x0]

Montenegro: a country of retards

Montenegro looks like your average European country, but with a twist. It has cute old towns. The people are chain smokers & don't work between May & September. Typical European stuff. What sets Montenegro apart is the people are barely functioning retards.

For example, they can't count. Our corner store has 3 cashiers and only takes cash. However, NONE of those 3 cashiers can give correct change. One time to the store was 14 Euros. I gave her a 50. She gave me 55 Euro back (a 20, 2x 10, 3x 5). It was like this every single time. They were never close. I have no idea how that place stays in business.

And everything is like this in Montenegro. My female ordered an espresso martini at a bar. They poured vodka into an espresso. It was served hot. They could've said they didn't have espresso martinis. They chose to be idiots instead because that's their culture.

It's 9 pm, time to run the weed whacker for a few hours! What could take hours with a weed whacker? Montenegrins will use them to mow entire fields. You might as well be out there with a scissors.

Most of the Slavic countries put ketchup & mayo on their pizza because it's so dry. Well, there's this thing called 'tomato sauce' that's a lot like ketchup that does the same thing. I know they have tomato sauce because it's not only in the stores, it's on the frickin' pizza. They just don't use enough of it. Everything is like this in Montenegro, where the solution is so easy yet they can't grasp what's going on.

There don't seem to be any laws in Montenegro. People build wherever or do whatever they please. I watched as people ignored cops saying they couldn't be on this private property (they were sunbathing). There's petty theft, as store employees are constantly following you around & watching. But outside of that, nothing. They're too dumb to follow laws, but also too dumb to commit crime.

The food: seafood or starve. They have the typical slavic meat dildos (cevapi). God I hate the meat dildos. It has been months of this crap. Why do I keep ordering them? Because the alternatives are dry pizza, soggy pasta, or fish. I can only eat so much fish. I guess I'll have the meat dildos, please.

The landscapes are beautiful. I think the prettiest coastline on the Med. So why isn't this a more known destination? Because there aren't many beaches. In Herceg Novi, people sunbathe on the concrete. Or the rocks. Like lizards on the sidewalk.

Smoking is the national sport. And they love to compete with you. It doesn't matter where you sit in the restaurant. The next person(s) who come in will sit by you and start smoking. The entire place will be empty. You can pick the worst spot in the place. And someone will go out of their way to sit by you and light up. Your meals will be eating meat dildos while choking in smoke.

Another good thing about their country is they're openly racist. This time against the Albanians. I was getting bored of people hating Serbs, Croats, Bosinaks, or Kosovoans.

I almost forgot: I look like Chewbacca now. I haven't been able to get a haircut in over a month. When a business posts their hours here, that's just a dream of when they'd like to be open. The reality is it's summer and the barber is out laying on the concrete like a lizard, smoking. Judging from their hairstyles, I think they cut their own hair. With a weed whacker.

I think the order of intelligence goes like this:

Croats seem to be the smartest of the Slavs. They took the incredible Dalmatian coast for themselves. Great move. Do they have a functioning country? God no, but they have a nice view.

Then comes the Serbs as next most intelligent. And to show you how low this bar is, Serbs aren't potty trained. They piss in the streets. Belgrade smells like piss. And these are the 2nd smartest Slavs.

Montenegro is 3rd. They can't count. They can't follow laws. But they're not smart enough to conceive of crime, so it kind of works out.

Bosniaks are clearly the dumbest because BiH has THREE governments. Damn that's dumb.

[Ivan @supersillyivan]

@porcupinesmell What about function names? What about parameters names huh? What about classes and files?

[Troll Football @TrollFootball]

Why didn't the referees receive silver medals like the rest of their teammates?

[mad @JB5ri]

Messi if he ever knew he's gonna face him in the world cup final after 19 years

[Ivan @supersillyivan]

If ur gonna do this then take some ventriloquist classes beforehand

[Descontrol Azulgrana @DescontrolAzulg]

Si bien es cierto que esta regla tan estúpida nace del episodio Vinicius.

Murió el fútbol.

[Paul Watson @paul_c_watson]

I've said it before, Portugal need to organise a fake World Cup for Cristiano Ronaldo during the real thing so he believes he's playing against DR Congo when all the players are actors. Genuinely think he'd fall for it, not sure he knows who any of his teammates are anyway.

[Matthias Schmidt @eurofounder]

If the EU built Claude

[✩ beanbo baggins ✩ @BBeam_o]

someone asked “can i bum a scroll” because they deleted instagram off their phone

[Ivan @supersillyivan]

@TrollFootball lol

[Ivan @supersillyivan]

Disneyland is the Vatican of America

[Ivan @supersillyivan]

Notch is the OG Elon

[donald boat @laserboat999]

In high school, we had our minecraft server, we had one guy. He was our resource guy. He would mine for hours. We would tell him that's enough, we have enough, come up, come build with us. He would stay down there. Blew past all sane need for resources. He liked it down there

[IBO🧑🏾‍🚀 @imblackonline]

as a man u should be surrounding urself with a legion of lesbian advisors, its the closest thing u can have to imperial chinese eunuchs in the modern day

[Ivan @supersillyivan]

@Der_Parrot Ok this literally isn’t true lol. Japan has the second largest navy and they can barely protect their own trade.

Post WWII America protected all global trade to earn worldwide loyalty and contain the spread of communism. Now that era is over.

[Ivan @supersillyivan]

England taking out all its anger from losing the Euros 💀

[DD Geopolitics @DD_Geopolitics]

🇬🇧 Riots in the UK are quickly getting out of control.

[Ivan @supersillyivan]

They should make a sequel called The Lion, The Glitch, and The Wardrobe that’s about how you can enter any world digitally

[Ivan @supersillyivan]

Generative AI should generate machine learning AI