Deleted Tweet

☢️Garbage Pail Adult. 📹Everything is funny to me, and it’s really a curse.🕯

[Deleted Tweet @SUREIMCFK]

👏Smash👏Mouth👏would 👏have👏won👏

[Eliza Skinner @elizaskinner]

Reactions to jokes posted on Twitter:
-Or my worse joke!
-Actually this joke is not a true fact of science.
-Uh I think you meant to say my worse joke.
-WHAT IF THIS JOKE WAS ABOUT THE BAD GOVERNMENT/SEXUAL ASSAULT/RACISM? I HAVE TRAUMA.
-You spelled “my worse joke” wrong.
-Haha

[wint @dril]

waking up in the middle of the night, gripped by blood curdling terror, yelling, sobbing, punching my pillows, because i forgot 9/11

[TV’S ALEX PTAK @PtakTestKitchen]

My organization has hidden the gender of 5 babies around the city. We will reveal one every hour until our demands have been met

[Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti]

Why did he need a press conference for this???

[Deleted Tweet @SUREIMCFK]

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

[Jill Gutowitz @jillboard]

gay people love to tell you what song from 2002 was playing at CVS

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

American police forces were established to catch runaway slaves and protect capital. Killing George Floyd fit right the fuck in with those directives. Abolish the police.

[Matt Oswalt @MattOswaltVA]

listening to the George Floyd verdict was like watching Wheel of Fortune where the entire puzzle is solved but you're still worried the contestent might pronounce it incorrectly

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

Just had my 2nd Pfizer dose! Had my 3rd Moderna on Friday and tomorrow I’ll get my 8th AstraZeneca. I’m in a great deal of pain & can “hear” my blood.

[Dan Price @DanPriceSeattle]

There's no such thing as a "labor shortage"

There are industries and companies that refuse to pay people enough to work there

[Michael Harriot @michaelharriot]

Those “good apples” be quiet AF

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

When the polio vaccine dropped in 1955 people lined up to get it, & we were 2 years away from artificial satellites. Now in 2021 we carry external world-brains in our pockets & there’s robots on Mars and idiots think the COVID vaccine is full of wizard poison.

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

Apanthropy (n):

An aversion to spending time with other people; a love of solitude

[meg “Yooper” bitchell @MeganBitchell]

I’m fiscally Godzilla, socially Kong

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Milk Rushing Through Jug Handle Having The Time Of Its Life https://t.co/saiZROlYah

[oliver @itspapalou]

People don’t fully understand how activism was intentionally absorbed by the state after the 1960s. Revolutionary ideas were put down or refashioned into volunteerism, charity and NGOs.