giada de laurentis

The Only People That Annoy Me are the One's with Names. Sambuca [A-Parody]

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

I told @toddmthompson to use SPF-45 years ago when we met in college. He's a bastard. Never listens to me.

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

Now-A-Days my favorite song is "Free Bird." Around of Sambucca for all! @toddmthompson

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

I'm going to divorce @toddmthompson within a year and a half when my restaurant takes off. He is heavy baggage. Keep this a secret, ok?

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

I'm throwing a pool party for the staff, crew and hosts of @FoodNetwork. Bathing suits are optional EXCEPT for @FinallyMario & @GuyFieri

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

I hate flying. Those small liquor bottles remind me of @RobertIrvine's pemis. Who the hell can get drunk off that? #FlytheFriendlySkys

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

It sure was nice sending @toddmthompson abroad for awhile. Those damn auzzie sharks are pussy's... I need a drink! SAMBUCCA!!!!

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

Me: Hey @GuyFieri nice legs.
Guy: Thanks.
Me: What time does your short chubby legs close?
Guy: NEVER! Beeatch!

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

SHE (other half) loves lemons. Squirt some lemon juice on your fingers and touch "HER" pot of gold and see who screams. Gift keeps given....

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

Times running out! Hurry up & get your free hamburger & hot dog at @pinkshotdogs. First 50 people-first come, first served. C tweet below...

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

Surely #ChoppedBasket: A twix bar, rabbit fur, ruffian lad, dal 1-nip, pine nut, tung oil, lions liver & reviler.
#SAMBUCA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

Go to @pinkshotdogs & get your free hamburger & hot dog. Tell them "Surely-G sent me, Sambuca." 1st fifty people only

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

Damn @GuyFieri! All that red meat he consumes emits an odor from his skin as if I was in a damn liverwurst factory.

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

Damn @justinbieber! If he was my kid when he turned age-18, Todd wuld've kicked his ass up & down Palisades Beach.

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

@RobertIrvine is worth over 15ML! That S.O.B. ASKED me and Todd out for hot dogs (his pig-out day) at Pinky's & didn't pay. Cheap-ass-fucker

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

I won the MMA match against @GuyFieri !!!!!
Thanks to my loyal fan @GuruGrapher. Next time your in LA please look me & Todd up for dinner.

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

Recently, @Sethrogen tweeted that @justinbieber was a piece of shit. I agree with Seth. JB is a short-skinny-peep-squeek-punk-ass-bitch!!!

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

Who would win a MMA match between me and @GuyFieri ?

Retweet - Surely (me)
Favorite - Guy

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

Tonight is ladies night-out!
Check list:
*Black Visa card
*Cell phones on vibrate
*Extra panties
*Trojans-Sm/Med/Lg
*LETS ROLL BITCHES!!!

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

Sooo, what did @RobertIrvine do on #GoldenGlobes night? Let me guess-you drank a protien shake with raw eggs and worked your globes out.

[giada de laurentis @surelygiada]

Never guess wat @GiadaAtHome gave to the Trick or Treaters?
Top Ramen! I mean I luv "Raw-Men-OnTop" but this is SAD!