surreal brainy

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

Snapchat Employees Abused Data Access to Spy on Users https://t.co/q7bPKFk8eR

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

The only thing scarier than getting a call from an unknown number. is when that number doesn't leave a voicemail.

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

Wearing sunglasses while indoors let's everyone know you have no business making even minor life decisions.

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

Why are you wearing? existentialist reporter on the red carpet

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

bling under the duct tape. Yes. I will marry you.

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

They say if you choose a job you love. you'll never work a day in your life.

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

Picking up this tiny piece of paper would take 1 second but instead I'm going to run over it 100 times with the vacuum at different angles.

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

What if you found out that wheat bread is just a bunch of ants squished together that would be pretty spooky

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

Tech exodus: HP, Dell, Microsoft, and others to reportedly shift production out of China https://t.co/r2Q7DtNNWz

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

Can someone go to the gym and work out for me? I'm trying to finish this pint of ice cream. Thanks

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

Back in my day you knew who your real friends were because they ranked you in order of importance on Myspace.

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

You mean a glass of... yourself? You see. the body is made up of ok ok sit down I'll bring it

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

Can we go to the adoption store and pick up a new baby?

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

Guys are always 'just kidding' unless you say yes

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

There are few things in life as pure and true as a grilled cheese sandwich.

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

I like listening to Phil Collins in the shower. He gets creeped out when he sees me. though.

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

Taylor Swift Is "Grossed Out" That Scooter Braun Will Now Own Her Music https://t.co/qbNdcXfP77

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with yelling 'I HAVE THE POWEEER!' like He-Man after cooking an omelette that doesnt stick to the pan.

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

I'd like to thank my skeletal system for all the support its given me over the years.

[surreal brainy @surrealbrainy]

people used to make fun of me in high school but who's making fun of me now?? that's right bud. thousands of strangers on the world wide web