I was in love with someone once and it was the classic empath and covert narcissist collision. My damaging empathetic reactions were based on my past trauma or ptsd being continuously triggered again and again ruthlessly , all while being told it was done in “love” . It was literally the worst thing you could say to an empath and overthinker lacking the healthy skills needed to stop the cycle of pain or blame. They hurt you, then you react and hurt them. A Never-ending cycle of hurting someone you love.
Continuously allowing dysfunctional patterns to repeat over and over in a toxic cycle you can’t stop.
Ironically, it wasn’t the continual damage destroying me that was the final ending point … I truly believe where there is a will there is a way , but not everyone has that will or ability . Instead , the end was when I realized that they had no interest in ending the cycle. A narcissist would rather claim boundaries and protecting their peace as opposed to accountability . A narcissist will claim you are ruining their reputation or ability to earn income by you exposing what they did and said . It’s your fault because you showed the world what they did and exposed them. Narcissists thrive on admiration and control, and their image is everything to them. When their flaws, mistakes, or abusive behaviour are exposed, they react fiercely to defend themselves-often at the expense of others. While I went to therapy and worked on me and my triggers individually to stop my role in the cycle , they saw no need for individual work other than their image .
They told me in writing that I would see their growth in a year after we were apart… when they were making 100k , being in top physical shape and having lots of friends and female validation. This is what they believed growth was.
It was then I knew, regardless of love , I couldn’t change what someone was unwilling to face or admit . That the things they consider and named in writing as proof of personal growth are meaningless to the soul , and are at best a temporary dopamine hit, but at worst just continuing the cycle and getting farther away from healing . Working on and breaking the traumatic thought patterns , our dysfunctional themes and the personal cycle of pain we cause ourselves and others is real growth and takes real courage.
Ultimately what is required for growth is not only accountability but humility. If someone is not willing to do this in themselves , or for themselves, then there is no foundation to build on. It starts with us individually , and until we realize this, we just carry the same cycle of hurt and patterns along with us And projected onto everyone we “love”. If two people can’t agree on the same values and what they believe is soul growth than all the love in the world doesn’t matter. I’m definitely not perfect-I’m learning every day how to cope with disappointments and injustices. I also understand that the first place healing comes from is by doing the work inside of me not on the outside of me. Beauty, muscle and even hair fades. and with it soul-less validation and a temporary dopamine hit . But soul growth is life changing - it’s the difference between being loved and learning to love. It’s funny how I have a much easier time forgiving others than myself.
#tequila #tequilakay #iamaworkinprogress #growth #humility #accountability #breakingpatterns #breakthecycle