Slap the Sweary Cat

Swearing cat. Behave yourselves. I can't be arsed to explain irony to you.

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@piersmorgan I'm still outraged at your phone hacking activities, you fat sweaty cunt.

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I'm a nurse in the middle of an ol' shootout n'that... #EastEnders

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@mummaturner1 Very true!

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Walford has the highest concentration of psychopaths in England. Fact. #EastEnders

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#EastEnders Callum, its very easy, stop being gay, push it right down, have a crate of Stella, stick one in Whitney and f*ck the pain away..

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Tom Allen seems to deploy the 'infinite monkey' theorem. If I keep talking then eventually something funny might tumble out #SaturdayKitchen

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#EastEnders I'm putting a tenner on Sharon being impregnated not by Keanu or Phil, but the Nameless One...

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Nothing can stop Phil Mitchell. Nothing #EastEnders

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#EastEnders "...Whitney, even though I'm a bit gay sometimes, I still loves you - Halfway"

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Patrick could well end up being knobbled by a shag-induced stroke #EastEnders

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Even though I saw what happened I still think Ben did it #EastEnders

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Any chef worth his stripes would have battered the ant #SaturdayKitchen

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Yeah, I may catch that later on i-player, Jase... #saturdaykitchen

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This chef is not really made for television is he? #SaturdayKitchen

[Sean @OddNMacabre]

whoa!!! check this out!!!

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I suspect Geri is a Michael McIntyre fan #room101

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I recall seeing this episode of #room101 the first time. Geri seems to be struggling with the concept of comedy throughout.

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Tell me Sheryl Crow's isn't a concept album based on the 1980s Mick Jackson film...? #GrahamNorton