Lizzie Sweenstein

Zero re-vines. Zero re-tweets.

Tweeting to absolutely no-one since 2006 👍

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

I liked it better when videos were only 6 seconds long, I don't have time for 15 sec videos, I have to get back to funemployment

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

I'm not trying to down play my beauty with these glasses, I have a visual impairment and I can't see!

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

That last tweet was for Mexicans, only, not Mexican'ts. ok!

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

Please don't make flan of me, it takes atole on my self-esteem.

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

My BFF Audrey doesn't care what http://t.co/9csujbxn9Z says. You're 3X more likely to get a BJ from her, than a relationship.

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

Watching First 48 always starts off the same:a murder occurs, an investigation takes place,and by the end, I've been tweeting the whole time

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

"Celebrities will have the ability to respond to fans w/@replies, but they never will! And that's the magic of Twitter!" - Twitter CEO 2006

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

Puff Daddy said, "Mo' money, Mo' problems", but I debated back with, "NO money, equal amount of problems." Debate.Over.

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

Following people on Twitter, makes me feel a little bit “stalky". -Celery

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

“sugar, awww honey honey." -a cavity's favorite song. #momjoke

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

“Excuse me Sir, but these “Bitches" are my friends!!" -Me, in reference to my three dogs.

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

Took a Myers Briggs test today. Turns out I'm a full on LMFAO personality type.

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

By 1930's standards, the amount of money in my bank account today, would make me a very wealthy woman.

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

PARTY TIME!!!!!!!!!

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

I'm funnier than the funniest girl in your office. If I worked in an office or anywhere 4 that matter.That joke is funny b/c I'm unemployed.

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

"Honey, I'm working on my resume"
*intently continues looking at computer screen
*finishes this tweet
*writes other hilarious tweets

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

Yeah, palmers cocoa butter gets rid of the stretch marks but it won't get rid of that baby.

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

man this party is so lame I'm going home to think about what it would be like to say that at a "real party" if I ever got invited to one

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

I bet the best thing about being pregnant is not having to suck it in anymore, I bet the worst part is that baby. moded

[Lizzie Sweenstein @sweenstein]

What's the point of silencing my phone, nobody calls me anyway.