Candy ❄️

Shackled in the light of day freed only in dreams at night.

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

The light brings the darkness of responsibilities of reality, the cold air of cruel prisons in which we are all shackled to something whereas the night brings the radiant light and warmth of escape into dreams and alternate lives otherwise unlivable.

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

I have to go to Walmart. So I guess this is goodbye.

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

I can spot the signs of a stroke.

-me, flirting

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

I don’t wanna brag but I still have all my teeth.

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

I heard someone say “women don’t work as hard as men.”

That’s because we get it right the first fucking time.

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

Am I on a diet? Yep. It’s called the I don’t give a fuck diet and I’ve lost a few assholes already.

[CoCo @unhingebinge]

Try and fold a fitted sheet.

That's me. Can't be aligned.

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

@Ashleyns814 I usually either pretend I’m deaf and didn’t hear it or switch it on them and compliment them.

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

@NotTodayEric Beautiful.

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

@JamesPe87223412 Less gravity

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

That’s it. I’m gonna go weigh myself in the Hudson Bay Area of Canada.

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

I’m trying to summon a fuck to give but so far I just got a new demon.

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

It’s not a dirty mind. It’s a sense of humor with adult content.

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

Next time he asks if he’s the only one you’ve been with say “yep! The others were at least sevens.”

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

Some guy buying condoms got his card declined. Cock blocked by Visa. Brutal.

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

Some words make anything sound more elegant. For example:

Go fuck your self.

Please go ardently fuck your self.

See? Class.

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

@rioserenity_ Naked with the fan on

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

Hear me out: a water park with a lazy River, floating bar and tacos with no kids allowed.

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

People giving me directions: you can’t miss it

Me: buddy, you have no fucking idea what I’m capable of

[Candy ❄️ @sweetAFmaybe]

This is me at least once a day. Sometimes out loud, sometimes in my head. Depends on the day and setting.