switheringscot

swither. verb, Scots. to be undecided, in two minds. Anon.

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Ill and deleting all social media apps. It was once a valuable connection but now it’s just like a poison. Best wishes to all those whose stories have touched me. And yes I do know it’s not an airport. Stay well

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@mancunianmedic Eughh. Just looked at his profile. Eughh. Hard to believe (yet also not hard). Just vile

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Anxiety is a thief. I’ve spent three weeks shaking, crying, self medicating with nytol. Overthinking, if you can overthink with a brain that’s running you round in circles. Not planning to die but wishing I wouldn’t wake up. But then. Calm today. Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

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@CherryMorrello And yes. I know that was another piece of unsolicited advice on my part

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@CherryMorrello Cherry. I wonder if you’ve ever thought of turning off replies to your posts. You get such a barrage of conflicting advice and opinion. It must at times feel overwhelming. I follow because it’s your story and your words. You shouldn’t be having to defend anything you say or think

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@NannaOfDragons @Worldcuptour Sweet, but https://t.co/4SWW9pniCA

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3/ except it all sounds so ridiculous when I’m thinking about it now, compared to the shaking wreck I was 4 hours ago) But when I am the shaking wreck I can’t even speak.

Writing for myself. It might help to have a voice here. Where I’m kind of anonymous

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Another brief respite from the anxiety and intrusive thoughts that have gripped me for the past month or so. They’ll be back tomorrow I don’t doubt. But fingers crossed maybe not. I’ve been hanging on by my fingernails when alone. And smiling when my partner is here. 1/..

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2/ in the belief/hope that acting as if i’m OK will somehow make it be so. He worries at times. I have to say though that these thoughts are frightening- mainly catastrophising - what if, what if. I will need to find my voice next week I think and call the doctor. 2/…

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@Whole_HeartedUK @KarenB3rry @CherryMorrello And obviously I say that now with hindsight. But if you can walk, eat, get out of bed yourself, take your own meds, they won’t do much except provide medical care, like changing dressings, injections etc.

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@Whole_HeartedUK @KarenB3rry @CherryMorrello Yes. Looking back that gap is very apparent. We had district nurses to change dressings twice a week, but had to manage everything else. Which was fine. It was just as the tipping point approached that things became more difficult, before we got proper palliative care 3 x per day

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@FootyScran @Everton I’d eat it no problem. But I’d definitely not pay any more than £3.50

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@StandingLocal @BlackthornXX @LaDonnaKebabe Agree with that too. I was a teenager in the 70s and always found savill creepy. But if you’re an adult and maybe your 3 down door neighbour is later found to be a paedo, but you’ve only ever seen him at the bus stop at 7am going to work and getting on the bus. How would you know

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@StandingLocal @BlackthornXX @LaDonnaKebabe Most people know that to be the case. That there is always a potential threat. But to someone living next door, working with etc, there are no distinguishing physical features that mark them out. Behaviour does do so obviously. But you have to be quite invested to observe that

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@LaDonnaKebabe @BlackthornXX Agree. But they push very subtly. Not obvious to people at the time. In hindsight often flags would be there. But at the time lots of just small things

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@BlackthornXX @LaDonnaKebabe Yeah. I think she means they’re all hidden in plain sight. You’d never know until they’re caught. They don’t have horns on their heads and red eyes etc. they get away with it precisely because they seem normal.

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@JaneotN Yeah. I wore them in the 60s as a child. Never in their later incarnations

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Maybe my child’s surname should be myfirstnamedaughter. If I had a son he could be fathersfirstnameson. Or myfirstnameson. Yes it’s patriarchy I suppose. But this bit of it can’t be fixed by drawing a line in the sand over your name / his name.

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This thing about how women should give their children their surname keeps popping up on my timeline. And I speak as someone whose child has my surname. But what is my surname. It’s my father’s surname 1/

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So she has my father’s surname. Should I have given her my mother’s surname- but, etc that’s her father’s surname. You can’t change a patronymic system just like that. How many generations of women do I go back before I decide which surname I prefer 2/