Sydney Olson

who’s to say

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

You ever get mad at the spies in your phone like come on guys you know I don’t like carrot cake

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

I’m not sure how people are using twitter these days however I am seeking someone to text me every night and verify that I have turned my oven off

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

Anyone else have a physical reaction when someone in a show walks into a store or restaurant w/o a mask or am I not doing well

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

I asked my boyfriend to pick his top three nothing bundt cake flavors and he chose..

lemon....

carrot cake.........

and white chocolate raspberry.................

so now we have to break up.

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

This morning I said “snooze” to my alexa robot and she thought I said “news” which in today’s climate turned out to be an especially unfortunate yet effective mix up

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

While debating what time to set tomorrow’s alarm I said, out loud, to no one, “stretching this morning was pretty fun”
Holy shit.

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

@meganyoung529 Lincoln Park on clybourn :(

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

Things are bad, but not frozen vegetable carb alternatives bad

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

@TraderJoesList

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

“Not impressed,” I say to the volcano walking tightroper as I scoop 2 tbsps peanut butter into my boxed brownie batter to really mix things up
#VolcanoLive

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

One day I will tell my children and grandchildren about the systematic oppression of untangling my headphones on my walk to the train, uphill both ways

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

No corporate America-ism makes me laugh quite like when people say they had a “fire drill” // “have been putting out fires” when what they really mean is they have been like resizing a Kroger logo on a banner ad

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

Today I described someone as “like...grandma old” to my coworker who is 1. Director of HR 2. A grandma

Feel free to send any marketing job openings to my personal email

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

It’s hard to even be mad when dealing with such a clueless species

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

@astrotter @yslorent Yes, additionally, we for real churned butter.

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

Yesterday a man on the street asked me for money AND my number in the same breath which is an odd strategy on both fronts as it seems I will be responsible for funding our first date

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

When bae wishes you a happy new year

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

This holiday season it has come to my attention that I am officially coffee after dinner years old and for that I am depressed

[Sydney Olson @sydolson]

@car0o0oo Sigma chi-yote

[2009 Alex Rodriguez @LeBronCenaOrton]

me: *hits spider web down with broom*

spider: wow

me: *puts up fake spider web decorations for Halloween*

spider: WOW