Sy Schimberg

Booking at [email protected]

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

The college has given us all the choice to pass/fail any and all classes. So I would like to announce now that I have chosen to fail all my classes. I appreciate the university’s understanding in this trying time.

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

People in stem are very boring and that is not me being insecure that is me making a generalization based on two people I'm sitting next to at this coffee shop

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

Flirting is so fun. And I'm good at it. It comes naturally to me. Like she texted a photo of her outfit and said, "Do you like this?" and I responded, "You are literally perfect I have never in my life had the honor of speaking with such a beautiful goddess." Damn I'm good

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

Me: Ahhh!
Dad: What're you doing?
Me: There's a bee
Dad: Let it be, bees are very important for the environment.
Me: Wow how caring of you
Dad: And I think it's annoying when you act like a little bitch

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

You should be able to block people in real life. Like you can block Aunt Stacy so her face is blurred at Thanksgiving dinner and all of the racist shit she says just comes out as the phrase "blah blah blah" over and over again.

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

@a_space_person Miss you Andy!!!

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

My dad is one of the most multidimensional people I've ever met. In the same conversation he said "I am so proud of you for being true to yourself and trusting your heart" and "Don't be a pussy". Love you Dad.

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

These fusion restaurants are getting really popular! I'm actually starting one myself. It's traditional Jewish cuisine fused with my spit. I spit in every dish. It's called: jEEWWWWWWW

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

Motivational quote for the day: if you are alive that's probably better than being not alive. Although, that cannot be confirmed.

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

Conversation between hat and head if hat was gen z and head was boomer

Hat: You're such a bottom
Head: What?
Hat: Just look at the everything about you.
Head: I don't know what that means.
Hat: You little clueless bottom aww cutee
Head: I was alive before you.

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

Dermatologist: What's your regiment:
Me: Every morning I dunk my head in a cold glass of milk like a little cookie, then I ask my roommate to slap me in the face three times while I scream "Ouchie!" progressively louder each time.
Dermatologist: Awesome.

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

World where everyone who follows you on insta gets to attend to your bachelor party

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

If the relationship between a farmer and crops was akin to a teen and their parents

Farmer: Where are you?
Crops: Hehehaha we don't wanna grow right now!
Farmer: Please, this is my livelihood
Crops: WELL THIS IS HOW WE'RE FUCKING FEELING FUCK OFF *slams ground shut*

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

STEM is more difficult than humanities. And it SHOULD be that way. Imagine if professors teaching pre-med classes were like "I know that's where the pancreas NORMALLY is...but where do you interpret the pancreas as existing FOR YOU?"

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

I know it's usually just silly stuff I'm posting on here but there's a part of me I'd like to explore more so just gonna go for it! Once a day I'll post a motivational tweet. Original thoughts only! Here's the first one, hope you feel better if you see this:

You've got this.

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

I asked the TSA person if I could keep my belt on and she said, "You can keep it on until the machine beeps."

Is this the most trusting person or the laziest person?

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

When I was single I lied about my height all the time on dating apps. I'm 5'6, of course I did! I said I was 6'5. Then when we'd meet they'd be like "You're not 6'5..." and I'd be like "OHHH shit! I always switch feet and inches around! My bad!"

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

World where the only thing you can say is the truth but you can pay for the ability to lie but that information is public unless you pay a CRAZY amount to make it private information.

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

Holy shit his gf just took out a lollipop too now they've both got lollipops. Do we think this is a one time thing or the crux of their relationship?

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

Gonna become the guy who has a lollipop constantly. And the guy who has hair that's perfectly long in the front but not too long in the back. And the guy who is both intense and self-aware. And the guy who gives wonderful advice. I'm gonna become this guy sitting in front of me.

[Sy Schimberg @syschimberg]

In the time I spend after an interaction determining that:
1. I was wrong
2. Why I was wrong
3. Which events in my childhood led me to be wrong
4. How I could make a significant change to my perspective.
5. I should forgive myself.

My gf will simply "move on" lol what?