Ms. Key Points

I’m just a teacher, standing in front of a class, begging them to stfu so I can get a word in edgewise.

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

Student 1: I hit a person with the blade of my snowboard.

Student 2: OMG, I hit a person with my ski!

S1: I hit a blind person.

…worst part is she was wearing highlighter yellow. And then she started screaming, she was like “wHeRE aM i”

#teachingteens #iteach9 #snowsports

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

Student, putting a fake flower (peony, I think?) behind his ear: I feel like a scientist who lives in Hawaii.

#teachingteens #iteach9 🌺

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

*describing why this old colony would have so much incest*

Student 1: There’s only a few people on the island, so it’s like, “I don’t care if you’re my cousin, get over here.”

Student 2: I just got Gatorade out my nose.

#historylessons #iteach9 #teachingteens

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

Me: Did ANYONE listen to or read the directions directly behind my head, or was I just screaming into the void?

Student: Prob’ly the void.

#teachingteens #iteach9 #futilityofman

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

Student 1: How do I fix that my computer screen is showing sideways?

Student 2, who is South Korean: You hit it really hard. No, listen, because in Korea, if tank doesn’t work, you just kick it real hard.

#teachingteens #iteach9

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

“Nothing really goes with black except black.”

#fashion #teachingteens #iteach9

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

Student: Why do most authors not seem to get popular until middle age?

Me: It takes some time for writing to mature and settle, I think.

Student: Huh, so there’s still time for you yet.

#teachingteens #iteach10 #backhandedcompliment

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

Says the very white girl: One time I was eating Takis and my nose started bleeding!

#iteach6 #teachingteens #takis #saltisspicy

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

I found out today I’m really good at the Magic Mike thing.

#teachingteens #iteach10 #dotheworm

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

Teacher, of her daughter: Her great-grandmother went to Northwestern.

Student: MY great-grandmother was named Sophie Butters. She was a Nazi.

😳

#teachingteens #geneology #historytalks

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

Student 1: How long are you gonna keep Irish dancing?

S2: As long as I possibly can before my legs break, I guess.

S3: I mean, it’s worth it for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, right? ☘️

#iteach10 #teachingteens

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

Ms. Key Points is the new apostle! No, wait… apostle? No. Who’s that Greek philosopher? OH, ARISTOTLE!

#teachingteens #iteach9 #philosophy

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

Attendance question: What’s something that happened over break that made you laugh really hard?

Male student: I got catcalled by a blind man.

#iteach9 #teachingteens

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

“Every time I go to Chik Fil-A, I go with my dad, who’s gay, so it balances out. We order and I tell him, ‘I’m so proud of you for coming out,’ and it balances out.”

#teachingteens #iteach12 #lgbtqia

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

Me: *bad SpongeBob laugh*

Japanese student: That’s not how SpongeBob laughs in Japanese.

Me: Oh, how does he laugh in Japanese?

Student: He doesn��t.

#childhoodjoy #teachingteens

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

Boarding student: Guys, my room at home isn’t mine anymore. It’s like, a storage room and a playroom for Bella the Bulgarian.

Student 2: WHAT. Is this the one your mom picked up on the road?

BS: No, Tammy and her four-year-old Bella are different ones.

#teachingteens

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

Student: It’s the one with Goku, what’s it called… oh, Dragonballs.

Me: Dragon Ball… Zee?

S: Yeah.

Me: No, you pronounce the ‘z,’ bud. It’s not plural, like it’s not Dragon Testicles.

S: 😳

#teachingteens #iteach12

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

We should just give white men their own slur so they can stop using other people’s.

#iteach11 #teachingteens #hottake

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

Overheard today

Teacher, calling across lawn to student: Good morning, A!

A, head down and ignoring:

Teacher: You can’t avoid me, A, we’re going to the same place!

#middleschool #toocoolforschool

[Ms. Key Points @talkingallstuff]

Student: These skis cost five hundo, man!

Me, sighing: It’s tacky to talk about how much your skis cost, bud.

Student: I have a mullet. I’m already pretty tacky.

#teachingteens #iteachmiddleschool #skiseason #mulletnation