Tandy Lions

Jokes may not be factanimous accuratisations of my trueness.

[Tandy Lions @TandyHoughton]

@AdobeCare Sorry if I never responded to this. I have no idea how to use this platform!

[Tandy Lions @TandyHoughton]

@AdobeCare please please tell me how to split and delete right and left audio in cc. It's driving me mad!!!

[Andy Kind @andykindcomedy]

Was at my parents house yesterday to take possession of an Amazon delivery. 30 minutes later I was back at my house when the same van driver turned up with a package for me. I’ve never seen someone so freaked out by the phrase ‘Hello again.’

[Tandy Lions @TandyHoughton]

@andykindcomedy Hahahahaha! This happened to me once, but with my postie! He’d just delivered to me at my house, then I drove down the road to check on a mate who couldn’t leave the house. The door went and I got the post for her. He was so weirded out by it! 😂😂😂

[Tandy Lions @TandyHoughton]

@tobyisaacs_ @andykindcomedy @danielcawley Just realised you think you own us.

[Tandy Lions @TandyHoughton]

@OfficeHrsLive @timheidecker I’ve never been prouder to be referred to as “England”.

[hannah platt @hannahtheplatt]

wait ‘no more tears’ was because it got rid of the tangles? genuinely thought it meant you could pour it in your eyes

[Nathan Lang @nathanllang]

Here's one review of my comedy:

"Clearly alarms the care home manager" (The Guardian)

Anyway I'm not going to Edinburgh Fringe.

[Tandy Lions @TandyHoughton]

Seriously, have no idea where my Conan cap is.

[Tandy Lions @TandyHoughton]

Supergluing this cap to my head. Never again will I say "Where is my @ConanOBrien cap?".Actually, I shouldn't underestimate myself.

[Tandy Lions @TandyHoughton]

Twitter just asked me if I want to share my tweets with a smaller crowd. This joke writes itself.

[Tandy Lions @TandyHoughton]

Do you ever open a share pack of crisps and think, ‘I need to finish these or I’ll just keep eating them.’

[Nathan Lang @nathanllang]

DAD'S FIRST DAY WITH THE BABY

My new sketch featuring the superb @jayneyedwards & Wolf Lang.
Directed by the brilliant Rhyannon Hanbury-Aggs (Insta @von_biggs_films)

If you like it, how about a RT? ❤️

Subtitled version link below
#dad #mum #baby #parenting #nightmare #poo

[Daniel Cawley @danielcawley]

Uh oh! @tobyisaacs_ deleted @Twitter 😮 @elonmusk ‘a going to be mad!

[Nathan Lang @nathanllang]

So happy that this show is coming to Brighton Fringe. Tandy & Toby have always been big supporters of my work, I love them so much and their show is going to be totally mad and hilarious. I recommend it!
@TandyHoughton @tobyisaacs_ @danielcawley @thecaxton https://t.co/pqHBT68wn6

[Toby Isaacs @tobyisaacs_]

Other people even said nice things about us, so I suggest you check this out https://t.co/AdRoOKGuJN

[Tandy Lions @TandyHoughton]

Seriously though, where is my Conan cap?

[Tandy Lions @TandyHoughton]

@DotheThingImpro if anyone gets a chance to see these guys. Do it! You will hurt from laughing!

[Tandy Lions @TandyHoughton]

If I didn’t have to manage my internet preferences to prevent ‘brain theft’ and spend futile amounts of time on fabricated ‘reject all’ icons! Maybe I’d have time to destroy all my highly sought after secrets?! As it is, we are in a vicious circle.

[Tandy Lions @TandyHoughton]

I really love Shakespeare, just not his writing.

[Tandy Lions @TandyHoughton]

My phone will do almost anything for me, except when I want to tell someone I’m not feeling well, and in fact I’m quite I’ll.

[Tandy Lions @TandyHoughton]

My Mum doesn’t think Waitrose is posh. I can’t work out if this makes her more posh, or incredibly bad at observing British culture. #waitrose #colombianmum