Bark in the Park Series = This week @ Baum!
» Dogs allowed in Hog Pen only
» Fill out digital waiver via link below
» Ticket to game(s) is required for fans
Details: https://t.co/ig3nZfwxyd
The 19-year-olds who attend my favorite university didn’t score enough touchdowns today so I’m blackout drunk in the garage while my son takes his first steps. My wife begs me to look over but I’m staring at our roof, wondering if the height could break my legs. “No.” I whisper.
Dearest mother —
The battleground has called for my glorious return. I’m thrilled to say, I shall heed that call.
I have reenlisted.
While my sidearm is permanently holstered — I shall help train other young men to be great soldiers. Please send care packages of squirrel oil and skunk cakes to our basecamp at Stanford. I love you.
— Andrew