Lately, I’ve been wondering if I’ve been lying to myself.
From the outside, everything looks fine. I have a decent job. My rent is paid. People probably think I’m doing well. But the truth is, I haven’t really felt okay for a while.
My friends invited me out a few times this month. Every time, I made an excuse.
I’m too tired.
I’m busy.
Maybe next weekend.
But the truth was, I just didn’t have the energy to be around anyone.
This morning, I woke up and stayed there, staring at the ceiling. Not because I was sleepy, but because I couldn’t find the strength to get up.
Later, my mum called. She asked if I had eaten. I said yes.
She asked if everything was alright.
I paused for a moment before saying yes again.
She didn’t argue or pressure me. She just said, Take care of yourself, okay?
After the call ended, I sat there thinking about how easily we tell people we are fine when deep down we know we are struggling.
So I picked up a notebook and started writing. No plan. No perfect words. Just everything that had been sitting in my mind.
And I realised something.
I wasn’t carrying one huge problem. It was many small things I had ignored for months. Little worries, little disappointments, little moments of stress that I kept pushing aside until they became too heavy.
I don’t have everything figured out yet.
But today, I’m choosing to start again.
I’ll step outside for some fresh air. I’ll eat a proper meal. I’ll reply to the messages I’ve been avoiding. I’ll stop pretending that ignoring my feelings will make them disappear.
Maybe I won’t fix everything today, and that’s okay.
Healing doesn’t always begin with a big change. Sometimes it begins with admitting the truth, taking care of yourself, and making one small move forward.
And today, that is enough.✍️
Gents, stay away from children. Don’t date/sleep with them. It’s morally and legally wrong.
However, if you decide to be an idiot and date a seemingly young person, request an identity document from them to ascertain their age. You’d be exonerated if they deceive you and produce a fake identity document showing that they’re adults.
It’s not worth it though. Ingoendai kuvanhu vakuru kwete kuda “mafresh”.