ayylmao

I am not the whiskey you want I am the water you need

[ayylmao @TaraxJones]

"What's your name?"

"Tara"

"Oh, like Tiramisu?"

"I don't know her"

[avital ash @avitalash]

“I’m Avital.”

“Avatar?”

“...Sure.”

[🦢 @ZainabSana2622]

My favorite part of the bible is when jesus, instead of telling women how to dress, tells men to gouge out their eyes and cut off their hands if they're not capable of controlling themselves.

[ً @artfuIchaos]

honestly, most of my problems come down to two things:

1. ​i'm terrible at waking up.
2. ​i am somehow worse at going to sleep.

[Michael @mic_mazz]

POV: Meeting up with friends in Toronto on July 15, 2026

[Neet @neet_sol]

The economy is so bad that scam messages went from “you won the lottery” to “remote job available $18/hr”

[ayylmao @TaraxJones]

Scrolling through my old tweets has me absolutely wheezing rn 😂😂😂😩😭 absolute gold

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

my parents at 26: okay, now that we are married & successful in our careers in education/law, time to buy a house & have kids

me at 26:

[ayylmao @TaraxJones]

My taxi driver is actively watching YouTube videos while driving me rn 🥲🙃🙃 driving me home from an assessment to see how fucked I still am from the car accident I was in 2 years ago🙃🙃🙃 am I on Punk'd rn?

[natalie @nataliestwt]

how is a plant not able to handle direct sunlight. you’re from outside

[glocc @gloccz8v]

This is how white people tell history.

[ayylmao @TaraxJones]

@DavidBlue55 @JusHeatherTwo Amazing! Congrats!!

[ayylmao @TaraxJones]

@legendofdaryl @JusHeatherTwo Keep going! You got this!

[ayylmao @TaraxJones]

@JusHeatherTwo Congrats! I'm proud of you

[ayylmao @TaraxJones]

@KerbyKevan @JusHeatherTwo Congrats! I'm proud of you

[Inoa ✭ @inoa107]

not even a swat team could get me off the stairmaster if this ever happened to me

[girlboss don biggavelli @rwxoxo]

dark at 5pm on a night with no plans: every passing minute is a reminder of endless nothingness, existence is a prison

dark at 5pm & on the way to an evening plan: look how the city lights dance for me, who knows what wonders await, the night is young!

[Jamie @spacej_me]

My therapist always starts our session with “How are you?” and I always say “I’m good!” and then spend the next hour talking about how I am decidedly Not Good.

[internet hall of fame @InternetH0F]

Caucasian phrases

[chill guy | fan page @chillguyx]

me this weekend