Tayler Yarish

Im funny. Well, i don't know. It's complicated. I do well in crowds.

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

I wish there was a breast implant surgery for flat feet. I’m an avid runner and I could really use some double d’s.

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

I saw a shark in the ocean recently and I realized I’m not afraid of sharks I’m afraid of John Williams’ music.

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

I think I’ve found an insult that would actually upset me

“I bet your eggs at home have weak shells”

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

Sometimes I worry that true love’s first kiss won’t even come close to the first sip of coffee in the morning.

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

I think it’s incredible how often it’s a girls best friends birthday.

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

Ahh man, clouds?
Guess I’ll give up on my dreams.

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

Tom Brady is leaving Gisele for his son

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

There should be yearbooks for every year in your adult life.

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

At the corner store muttering “was it chocolate or vanilla she wanted?” so the people around me don’t think the snacks are for me.

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

When someone gets shot, the headline should say whether or not they knew each other.

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

Bow to your sensei...BOW TO YOUR SENSEI

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

I love that moment in a sleepover where your body wakes you up super early for no reason and then you start stretching until you hear movement

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

People in the south are bigger because they eat one serving for themselves and one for Jesus

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

Friend who grew up in FL: We had a gator who lived near our house. Everyone knew to just stay away from that area and you would be fine.

Me: We had the same thing but with a pedophile

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

What about an escape room where we solve the problems in my life?

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

You offer an all you can eat buffet.
You’re gonna get some chemical fumes.

[New York Post @nypost]

Carnival cruise ship docked in Virginia after reports of chemical fumes https://t.co/TYhy8kfSk4

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

Makes me want to look into the writers of “How To Get Away With Murder”

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

All Apepox is Monkeypox but not all Monkeypox is Apepox.

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

There should be an Instagram filter for group photos that makes your friends 10% uglier.

[Tayler Yarish @taylercomedy]

Coming out must be really difficult. I’ve never had to do that, but I did have to tell my coach I was quitting because football conflicted with theater.