Resting B*tch Face

I’ll be nicer if you’ll be smarter. Wait. No I won’t.

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@CityEMA Is one of the priorities hiring a Certified Emergency Manager who actually has the training and education to understand what matters most to your communities?

Or are you just bending the knee to the fire department and their bought-and-paid-for mayor?

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BUT HILLARY'S EMAILS ON A PRIVATE SERVER!

Weird how transparency has a double standard when you're one being targeted instead of the one doing the targeting 🤔

[KUT Austin @KUT]

Gov. Abbott doesn’t want to reveal months of communications with Elon Musk or his representatives.

The governor’s office said some of the emails contain “intimate” information that isn’t of “legitimate concern to the public.”
https://t.co/NvBTfjskeI

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@SMalone27 @kmoxnews Wait so is "transparency" completing an internal investigation without ever interviewing the commissioner about what happened? Seems sus.

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@stlmag Public is great. But will it include objective evidence or just the facts that suit the Mayor's narrative?

Hard to do a full investigation when half the involved parties haven't been interviewed.

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Am I “living” for the new faux leather pant trend?

Fuck no.

1. It’s not new

2. Anyone who wore painted-on pleather pants clubbing in the late 90s/early 00s is having some fashion PTSD rn

🤮

#fashion #nope

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Somewhere Vanilla Ice is sobbing because he has no day.

[Breyers @Breyers]

Celebrate Vanilla Ice Cream Day with your favorite Breyers vanilla frozen treat!

We have vanilla treats for everyone! Try one of our classic varieties or better-for-you options, all made with high-quality ingredients and 100% sustainably sourced vanilla.

Find your flavor!

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@DrknSt0rmyNite

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@DrknSt0rmyNite The cynic. And justifiably so.

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Dear flight attendants of the world: Just because we’re a (literal) captive audience doesn’t mean you should treat in-flight announcements like it’s open mic night at the local dive bar.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

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Actual footage of #SCOTUS

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@DrknSt0rmyNite “Please don’t share your feelings unless I share your feelings because otherwise I might have feelings about those feelings that could cause my brain to work for the first time in a decade. Thanks.”

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Always turn the lights on before you pee.

Because eveb if you’ve lived in your house for more than a decade there’s always a chance that you will completely miss your intended target and wind up falling into the bathtub instead.

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk

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@collegetowncop AKA literally most of America.

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“Don’t let anyone dim your light. Let your light shine.”

Right ok tho but what if your light is just to be a useless waste of space and an asshole? Is it cool to dim those lights?

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Random coworker: “I’ve been doing social media for a long time...”

Translation: “I made one Facebook post and now I think I’m a fucking expert.”

What do we call a male Karen?

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@BeanGilsdorf Meanwhile in America, I believe we’re being told to pull ourselves up by our own jockstrap whilst simultaneously being told to bend over and just take it.

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@BlondeinKevlar @SergeantCity OMFG IT IS THE LITERAL BEST SHOW. Season two is glorious. Season three is better. Season four is heaven.

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@BlondeinKevlar BECAUSE THAT WOULD FUCKING MAKE SENSE AND WHO NEEDS THAT

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Drinking a light beer between regular beers is the same as hydrating with water right.

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@PleaseBeGneiss @FeelingEuphoric It me