Tom Cunningham

it’s like clamming. you feel it with your toes

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

@JoeOrrico Resident Evil is the best movie of 2026

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

Charlie should not have won the chocolate factory. He stole the floating bubbly soda. Wonka had every right to tell him to fuck off

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

@IkonPass where is my speed tracking?! I need to show people how dangerous I am

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

It still blows my mind that anyone with a football IQ can look at AJ Brown, Deebo, and Metcalf and think….. I’m taking N’Keal Harry. Fire Bill. #patriots

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

Maybe the balloon just says “Happy New Year”. Does anyone know when the Chinese new year is?

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

Can we veto the Britney Griner trade?

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

@MLB why is Angel Hernandez still employed?

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

The slowest mammal on earth is the @Starbucks employee. They make sloths look like cheetahs

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

@Meta my Instagram got hacked. Step up your customer service game and help me out. Thank you kindly

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

Jim should have chose Karen on The Office #TheOffice

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

NASCAR, but drivers can only use their knees. I’d watch that

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

@JDBurke84 @Strongarm92 Kids have nothing to do with it. That song just slaps

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

I want the Kars 4 Kids theme song to be played on a loop at my funeral

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

@JDBurke84 Drafting a will right now. My ashes are to be divided and sprinkled upon the entrance ramps of I-495 exits 10 - 17. Skip Exit 13B

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

The @Patriots need to release a statement apologizing to fans for the re-signing of Cam Newton. #DoYourJob

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

Squidward Tentacles has the fanciest restaurant in Bikini Bottom... and he does not suck eggs.

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

There’s no point in putting up “Lost” signs for a cat. Anyone can claim that cat. It’s not like it’s going to respond to it’s name or run to it’s owner on sight. It might as well say “Free Cat”

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

Have you ever looked at the people in a bar and wondered if you could take them in an apocalypse? Cuz I have

[Tom Cunningham @tcunns]

If you’ve ever used a knife to eat eggs, you can’t be trusted