@ParkerOrtolani You forgot the NEaw Apple Polishing Cloth for just $19.00 in your recent 9to5 post of things not to buy for Apple enthusiasts for Christmas.
Wear hearing aids, listen up! Over-the-counter (OTC) hearing aids are just beginning to become available. This means that you could walk into a Meijer, or Rite Aid, take a simple hearing test, and buy a FDA approved OTC aid. Cost will be significantly lower than traditional aids.