your name here

[VT Emergency Mgmt @vemvt]

Important links for the cold and snow this weekend:
Shelters - https://t.co/bHuPYXiumA
Winter Health Safety - https://t.co/pVr1HVJdHD
#WinterReadyVT

[Kritika kumari @kritikatwtss]

Someone just said it

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Riley Walz @rtwlz]

The plan? At dusk, 50 people went to San Francisco's longest dead-end street and all ordered a Waymo at the same time.

The world's first: WAYMO DDOS

[derek guy @dieworkwear]

they choose this pope bc chicago is a walkable city

[M🐝 @CakeMcJabe]

Every English Canada riding is named like "Toronto Centre" or "Vancouver East," while every Quebec riding is named something like "Cinqant-Iles-Et-Les-Haricots-Vert-Hon-Hon-Hon"

[your name here @technicalmoses]

Looks like a police lineup

[Channel 3 News @wcax]

Which cardinals are seen as contenders to be the next pope? https://t.co/Q1kAkHXRJw

[your name here @technicalmoses]

Maybe they could bring back dialysis fucking instead.

[Channel 3 News @wcax]

UVM Medical Center is planning for a major expansion that could include a building that would tower over the existing hospital. #uvm #btv #vt @KatharineNews  https://t.co/lTkoxWv3sQ

[your name here @technicalmoses]

@ViteRamen the new plastic for the seasoning pack is so much better 11 stars

[David North @DavidNorthWSWS]

Four years after his attempt to overturn the results of the 2020 election, Trump’s recitation of the presidential oath of office, pledging to “preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States,” will be the first lie of his second term.
https://t.co/bjhMVvK8L2

[your name here @technicalmoses]

Weird how a normal person crashes into a cop, but when a cop kills a bicyclist it's "a police car was involved in an accident"

[Channel 3 News @wcax]

JUST IN: #Vt man crashed into #NH police cruiser, troopers say.
https://t.co/QIwyuwgd5I

[your name here @technicalmoses]

"involved" is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that headline.

[Channel 3 News @wcax]

BREAKING NEWS: Police cruiser involved in crash that killed bicyclist. #vt https://t.co/VluCqOpN8p

[Four Seasons Total Landscaping @TotalSeasons]

Sorry, our venue isn't big enough for a Kamala rally. We could fit a Trump rally easily, though.

[your name here @technicalmoses]

Hard pass on both

[Kyle Daigle @kdaigle]

HCL

[Ask a Manager @AskAManager]

let's all agree to do this

[your name here @technicalmoses]

https://t.co/HLm6cAM7TR

The "real" bread products are pretty tasty (the instructions are.....not the best?) but now with gluten free options.

[your name here @technicalmoses]

Plug and plaser, amazing

[SpaceX @SpaceX]

Polaris Dawn is the first mission to test @Starlink laser-based communications, using the “Plug and Plaser” inside Dragon’s trunk to communicate with Starlink satellites throughout the mission

[your name here @technicalmoses]

Fidium: Fiber is coming to your town!
...time passes...
Fidum: Fiber is here everybody celebrate
Me: :enters address in my town into form:
Fidum: Except for you! Get fucked!

[horse dentist @equine__dentist]

gender is a spectrum

[jennie🌷 @maobabie]

hehe