Ted Hash-Berryman

The Barred Bard

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

Eraserted

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

Damn, looks like the DNC rigged the wrong election.

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

Launching my write-in campaign now. I guarantee I will get more votes than Bobby Jindal. #ImVotingBecause #FeelTheTed #TedTheVoteOrDie

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

@QueenMobs I fucked a seahorse while wearing an Emily Dickinson mask.

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

Opinions are like assholes: I get paid to put mine on the internet.

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

The three worst presidential candidates in modern American history are Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Hillary Clinton in 2008.

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

@smalllights I'm not convinced either is human.

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

One cannot prove anything, but one can point out a great deal.

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

Let your life be a counter-friction to stop the machine.

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

Something is revealing itself to us, through us.

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

Real Guys Wear Ted
@GuyFieri

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

New Ted Hash-Berryman Feature! The Ballad of The Lost Leaf--A shocking literary discovery: https://t.co/xjyPM88NbV

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

@MarlowNYC Your imprudent cries of "sexist" are done at the peril of the many legitimate times where such a cry may be needed.

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

911 hung up on me because they said "caught in a Catch-22" is not an emergency. Just please help, my foot is literally trapped under a book.

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

Say what you want about Trump University, but their MFA program is top tier.

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

@TheOnion Clunky joke-writing

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

The trick is to live in the presence of the mystery, not as a problem to be solved, but as a force for personal transformation.

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

Dance like no one is watching. And since nobody's looking, you might as well steal some stuff.

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

Once bitten, twice is how many times you should get vaccinated. That flying squirrel definitely had rabies.

[Ted Hash-Berryman @TedHashBerryman]

Ted Hash-Berryman, the lesser of two Elvis