Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me

Author of Funnymen, Pocket Kings, Slab Rat, & other books you most likely haven't read. I'm on Mastodon, too...I think.

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@MikeLupica Things are bad when you start missing Bruce Boisclair and Al Weis.

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@KellyScaletta The Throwing Mewses

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@misfitpatriot_ You have zero idea what you're talking about.

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@DavidWolfe What about for getting drunk?

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@kav3rnus @ThrillaRilla369 "I killed a man" usually works.

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@marklevinshow It gives you a boner, doesn't it?

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

Maybe giving this guy the job to renovate the Reflecting Pool was not such a great idea.

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@jpodhoretz @bartongellman Perhaps you just need to eat at Taco Bell a bit more?

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@KellyScaletta @Acyn Yes. Praying that the Viagra would work.

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@maggiewestrum @TedJoy71 Ted Heller

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@Shteyngart Fake news. He was put to sleep. Release the fleas. Uh, the files.

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@maggiewestrum Pig president. It's sort of been done.

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@richarddeitsch Mark Messier

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@mtaibbi Actually, you're just an idiot.

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@Acyn "And he's still shitting his diaper and whining to this very day."

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@KeithOlbermann @Ian_OConnor Nope. Last night tops Willis.

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@JumboElliott76 @TheDunkCentral @BrettSiegelNBA And an idiot.

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@LindseyGrahamSC I'm sure Sylvia your imaginary Lufthansa flight attendant almost-wife is proud, too.

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@JumboElliott76 He's so dumb he thinks the D in D Day stands for Donald.

[Ted Heller 🇺🇦 Not going back...unless you pay me @TedHeller]

@maggiewestrum