Ted Toks

The daily quips of my wise-ass husband. Funniest if you have a low threshold for humour.

[Ted Toks @tedtoks]

I decided to start this account to document the hilarious things my husband says. He will henceforth be referred to as T in all tweets.

[Ted Toks @tedtoks]

Check out these fun, hands-on @KiwiCo projects for young scientists, artists & makers ages 0-16+. https://t.co/Z6qTj0nr9r

[Ted Toks @tedtoks]

Zhng my dining table with #secretlab. Thanks @secretlabchairs for making WFH bearable!

[Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal]

When do kids firmly grasp the concept of time? When referring to last week, my four year old says, "a yesterday that happened a long time ago."

[Ted Toks @tedtoks]

💃🏻🕺🏻🎉

[The Dad Briefs @SladeWentworth]

It’s official:

End of an error.

[MomTransparenting @momtransparent1]

THIS IS THE ONLY DAY OF THIS GODFORSAKEN YEAR THAT WE CAN SAY WE WERE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF HISTORY!!! 👏👏👏👏

[Ted Toks @tedtoks]

Word.

[Snarky Mommy @SnarkyMommy78]

I feel like I can finally take a breath for the first time in 4 days. Actually, more like 4 years.

[Ted Toks @tedtoks]

😂

[The Dad Briefs @SladeWentworth]

Apparently what happens in Vegas really does stay there.

[The Daily Show @TheDailyShow]

Count the Vote? Stop the Count? @desilydic's been watching Fox News nonstop and here's what's up

[Elizabeth Warren @ewarren]

Donald Trump’s attempts to stop votes from being counted are the actions of a desperate man trying to cling to power just a little longer.

It's undemocratic. It's pathetic.

And it won't work.

[The Daily Show @TheDailyShow]

Wait how many corners does this thing have

[Ted Toks @tedtoks]

Blows my mind every single time 🤯#sheeplenotsheeple

[The Daily Show @TheDailyShow]

.@jordanklepper went to another Trump rally and HOLY S**T:

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

Let me be clear: A Biden-Harris Administration won't increase taxes by a dime on anyone making less than $400,000 a year.

[Eugene Gu, MD @eugenegu]

@realDonaldTrump Your best friend Senator Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee sent two armed US Marshals to my home in Nashville to subpoena me to Congress for doing the very stem cell and fetal tissue research that led to technologies like Regeneron’s antibody cocktail. You should stop the hypocrisy.

[Eugene Gu, MD @eugenegu]

@realDonaldTrump You say these new therapeutics are a “blessing from God” and especially praise Regeneron’s monoclonal antibody cocktail for helping you heal from COVID-19. How interesting since the antibody cocktail wouldn’t even exist without human embryonic stem cell and fetal tissue research.

[The Daily Show @TheDailyShow]

White House aides in the Oval Office today

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

Unity over division.

[. @jonnysculls]

Man, the writers of this season of The United States really know how to put together a season finale cliffhanger. I'm on the edge of my seat!
#TrumpHasCovid

[The Daily Show @TheDailyShow]

We play a Trump rant. You guess what he was asked about. Time to play “What Was Trump Asked About?”

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Me: I told you to take a nap.

4-year-old: I can't.

Me: Why not?

4: It's too fun to stay awake.