mewbs

book dumb. street dumber. ass dumbest.

[mewbs @teemewbs]

Somewhere in a back room in Macao ohtani’s translator is rubbing his nipples as they feel the first moment of freedom from being clamped to a car battery

[mewbs @teemewbs]

I just feel bad for the girls that live in Dallas that love their Yankees hat because they “are in New York all the time*”

(been 3 times in 8 years)

[Trill Withers @TylerIAm]

Gonna enjoy watching Deone, Barion and Maxwell on Sunday next year. Seasons a wrap. Almost lacrosse season by my watch 🤝🏿

[mewbs @teemewbs]

“RETRUTH if you want public military tribunals” is just an electric sentence

[The Bulwark @BulwarkOnline]

Not comprehensive https://t.co/Vb5yEW1Y7k

[mewbs @teemewbs]

@maceyyperryyyy People don’t talk enough about how taking 10 or 20 east is basically entering into the Bermuda Triangle

[mewbs @teemewbs]

There is nothing funnier than the guy who wrote 2 Phones now tweets like Lin Manuel Miranda

[Kevin Gates @iamkevingates]

Mistakes make us great I’m proud of you I think you doing amazing🫶

[mewbs @teemewbs]

Bout to make this Waffle House a Waffle Home (getting in a fist fight and leaving an upper decker)

[mewbs @teemewbs]

Don’t know why dating isn’t going better

[Eric Brown @ericbrownzzz]

what kind of carolina style barbeque?

[mewbs @teemewbs]

That’s a solid bit. Game respects game.

[BONDAGECHICKEN @normlchicken]

matter of time before a sassy old fat black lady (immovable object) met a powerweilding no-nonsense black stewardess (unstoppable force)

[Austen @austenreeder]

Thank god 🙌🙌🙌

[Morale Supply Co.™ @moralesupplyco]

BEAR DOWN BABY

[Rodger Sherman @rodger]

Another pair of Big Ten grads move to Chicago after graduation

[mewbs @teemewbs]

overtly sexual cooking TikTok’s are hilarious because it means there might be a whole generation of people who’s muffin recipes will include steps like:

“once you’re done fingerblasting the room temp butter add it to the bowl. Then spit in it and call it a good girl.”

[mewbs @teemewbs]

Sitting at the bar alone is not depressing. It’s the male equivalent of buying yourself flowers

[mewbs @teemewbs]

As a stupid person I find April fools offensive. My culture is not some kitschy holiday

[mewbs @teemewbs]

Vet says my dog is aggressively licking his ass because he’s anxious and didn’t laugh at all when I said I do the same

[Mark Nagi @MarkNagi]

This sequence made me cry actual tears…

[mewbs @teemewbs]

I'm fine with cal leaving, being fired, getting kate middleton'd or what have you- but just once I want someone who I know to not be an actual dipshit to describe to me what an X/O's coach is

[The Smoking Musket @smokingmusket]

pov you're a top 16 seed full of nba players on the first day of the ncaa tournament