Courtney G.

Unapologetically pissed off, pro-abortion, pro-union, pro-cat, and full of rage. All tweets are my own and not reflective of my employer.

[The Halfway Post @HalfwayPost]

BREAKING: The Texas televangelist who claimed God is using the Iran War to begin the Biblical Apocalypse and Rapture up all the Christians to Heaven on Trump's birthday this June 14th because Trump is the "2nd Messiah" just got arrested for cooking meth in his church basement.

[goosewin @Goosewin]

we will terraform mars and make contact with aliens before microsoft puts out functional software

[Rep. Teresa Leger Fernández @RepTeresaLF]

BREAKING: Every package that arrives at your front door will soon have an 8% Trump War Tax.

[A Shot @ashotmagazine]

Mike Flanagan’s upcoming projects:

• Carrie – Miniseries (Finished Filming)

• The Exorcist – Film (Preparing to Shoot)

• The Mist – Film (In Development)

• The Dark Tower – TV Series (Early Development)

[‏ً @omgsidewalks]

every pet owner has a foundational nickname from which 58 other names ripple outwards. the sourdough starter name

[Lydia Kauppi @lydiakauppi]

It’s 2003. People are wearing huge pants. Noah Wyle stars in a hit medical drama on TV. The US is bombing the Middle East.

It’s 2026. People are wearing huge pants. Noah Wyle stars in a hit medical drama on TV. The US is bombing the Middle East.

[Papa Woof und Krampus und Bleaken @woofknight]

Having cats is basically babysitting drunk friends:
Someone’s always hungry, someone’s puking, and someone’s yelling for no reason.

[Vijay Prashad @vijayprashad]

BREAKING: The Board of Peace launches its first war.

[Jay Black @jayblackisfunny]

A collection of the dumbest dudes you knew from high school felt emasculated when a black man got elected president, so, to compensate, we now have a semi-sentient pig’s stomach in a red hat starting an illegal war to distract the country from all the sex crimes he committed.

[Stephen Miller @StephenM]

To anyone still gullible enough to fall for scummy media hoaxes: Trump said warmongering neocons love sending your kids to die for wars they would never fight themselves. Liz Cheney is Kamala’s top advisor. Liz wants to invade the whole Middle East. Kamala = WWIII. Trump = Peace.

[Peter Raleigh @PetreRaleigh]

The If Books Could Kill podcast is where you find out that a self-help book you've vaguely heard of but thought was sort of generic pablum in fact contains the unorganized ravings of a complete psychopath. And that it sold seventy million copies

[Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom]

I say “no worries” a lot for someone who’s been in a permanent state of panic for 20 years.

[Conspiratorial Templates @mynamehear]

BREAKING: Punxsutawney Phil releases statement:

"Winter, Spring, who really gives a shit? You humans should get that fascist fuck out of office before you worry about anything else."

[Graham Trainor @graham_oregon]

We cannot afford to sit back or waver in taking action. Oregon unions are demanding justice for our communities and an end to ICE violence NOW.

[Courtney G. @telegram620]

@logangilles They say so much while actually saying nothing at all. Would have been better if they hadn’t put this out.

[Vivian @suchnerve]

shoutout to everyone whose internal monologue rn is like “what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck holy shit oh my god wait hold on gotta do laundry what the fuck okay time to eat something holy shit holy shit i’d better go to bed soon what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck”

[Bookaholic Bex @BexBookaholic]

It's the first 45 years of January that are the hardest.

[Courtney G. @telegram620]

@soigomaa Sense8