I hope you find a partner that calls you back after an argument; just to remind you that NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT AND STUBBORN YOU ARE, HE WON'T GIVE UP ON YOU.
I highly recommend you find yourself a clingy (healthy) lovey dovey partner who's genuinely excited about you. life is too short to spend it with someone who act like showing love is a chore.
One of the loneliest experiences in adult life is wanting a relationship that is just slightly beyond what the person you love is capable of giving.
Not because they're bad or because they don't care. But because there's a gap between what you need and what they can offer, between the depth you're reaching for and the depth they're able to go and no amount of love on either side closes it.
You've had the conversations. You've explained what you need as clearly and patiently as you possibly can. They've listened, they've tried but it's still not quite there...not quite the emotional presence you need, not quite the level of intimacy you're starving for, not quite the partnership you imagined when you chose this person. Close enough that leaving feels absurd but far enough that staying hurts in a quiet, constant way.
You're allowed to need what you need. And you're allowed to grieve the specific sadness of loving someone who genuinely tries and still cannot give it to you.
i hate hate HATE that i require so much reassurance like things could be going perfectly fine but there's always a part of me that believes that all of it is a lie