But they are nights, I hate anyone to see my tears, and there are days, I am helpless, I could cry a river.
Then synchronicity sets in and I whisper maybe the Universe is patting me on my back.
222 is a number that has been chasing me. I am not a numerologist and I often think, am I missing anything? Do I need to double-check anything? I can’t say it’s been heavy and I can’t say it’s been light.
The lady in my dream wore a blue dress. I think she had a blue skin. Everything about her was blue.
We were talking on the stairs, before I was woken up.
Yesterday, I was in a place where ink blue spilled everywhere with water.
Ink blue, royal blue, navy blue
I remember what her dress is like. I memorized it. I just don’t remember what she said and what her face looked like.
What are blue bloods? Is that even something?
I am writing this now and I remember blue dress, and being in a place blue spilled everywhere with water.
I have realized the mission is trust in the unknown, even when no one sees what I see. Sometimes the calling builds your faith in that form. To believe the Yes you feel when everyone sees the No.
I have always felt out of place. Like I don't belong anywhere. That people could never understand me, that everyone won't. I have always carried the outcast burden; the bastard curse.
Growing, up, I struggled with identity. I could be nothing and everything and I chose that.
I am not comfortable with shallow, plunge me in, I want to see what it takes and where it leads to.
It was a problem. People don't know how to deal with someone who questions things, who doesn't swallow orders, and now there is conflict.
To not be labeled. Something about me hates documentation, going for assessment, and wanting to be named.
In the real sense, I disrupt. I unearth. I break rules because I want an understanding, a deeper explanation. I want to know the whys and whatnot