obi.

⬆️⬆️⬇️⬇️⬅️➡️⬅️➡️🅱️🅰️ START

[obi. @thajawn]

Bean bag chairs are venus fly traps for anyone over 35

[obi. @thajawn]

Inventor of the jackhammer: This will be groundbreaking

[obi. @thajawn]

Wife: You never wear camo

Me: Maybe I do and it's just really good

[obi. @thajawn]

911: What's your emergency?

Me: My neighbor hasn't been home in a week

911: Is that unusual?

Me: He told me he can only poop at home

911: Ummmm

Me: Listen! He hasn't pooped in a week! He's either dead or dying!

[obi. @thajawn]

Me: This is a boring book report

Mom: Stop talking during church

[obi. @thajawn]

The length of my beard dictates how tall my hat can be

[obi. @thajawn]

My walk of shame is carrying empty food containers to the dumpster from last night's door dash orders

[obi. @thajawn]

I always get depressed when I see those pictures of big drug busts of all the guns, drugs and money. Drug dealers keep their stuff way more organized than I do.

[obi. @thajawn]

I don't wanna be that guy but it was definitely Shaggy

[obi. @thajawn]

I think the premise for Cash Cab could work in other environments like Cash Groceries, Cash Gas or Cash Emergency Medicine

[obi. @thajawn]

Host: Hello, Shaggy. Bo Jackson is using you as his phone a friend

Shaggy: 🎶I know what Bo don't know

[obi. @thajawn]

(Who Wants To Be A Millionaire)

Bo Jackson: I'd like to phone a friend

Host: Ok and who are we calling

Bo Jackson: Shaggy, please

[obi. @thajawn]

Everyone said things like "your back will hurt and your knees will give out when you get old" but no one tells you the face is the first thing to go

[obi. @thajawn]

(90s)

Them: Where's your son?

Mom: *calmly* no idea

(2025)

Mom: *crashing out* WHERE'S THAT APP I JUST INSTALLED!!??

[obi. @thajawn]

Daboll is the latest millionaire to leave New York since Mamdani got elected. They tried to warn us

[obi. @thajawn]

14% of active military personnel are on food stamps. 200,000 National Guard members rely on food stamps and over a million veterans use food stamps as well...

[obi. @thajawn]

I'm growing grass for my cat in a coffee mug and it sits on a table in my living room. My mom came over the other day and didn't say a word about it and I'm struggling with that

[obi. @thajawn]

Sinclair only reaches 10% of the audience Disney Plus and Hulu have combined. Jimmy's YouTube channel has 20 mil subscribers and Sinclair is only in 18 mil homes that don't stream. Broadcast TV is dead and so is any influence its owner has

[obi. @thajawn]

I think the premise for Cash Cab could work in other environments like Cash Groceries, Cash Gas or Cash Emergency Medicine

[obi. @thajawn]

Maybe it's just me but I'd think the best place for Space Command would be... space

[obi. @thajawn]

Shit has been real dark since I threw out my favorite Paw Patrol cup