thank i cum pant

meet the new boss. same as the old boss

[thank i cum pant @thankicumpant]

Life is about never giving up. Unless you want to give up. Because life is also about being yourself. You do you. Good talk.

[thank i cum pant @thankicumpant]

@Bob_Janke Aunt sMaSh

[thank i cum pant @thankicumpant]

@mzmyzery @Mr_Kapowski Yes, all the time

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If life was like world of warcraft well then I stacked all of my skills points into the specialty move "drunk"

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#NewProfilePic

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Sometimes I look at my dog and think "you can't look at me like that"

Then I realise he's not looking but talking to me.

Then I realise he's the neighbors dog and they've left him with me to go on a weekend acid binge.

Losers.

[thank i cum pant @thankicumpant]

Did you know that when Britain is at war it flies it's flag upside down?

[thank i cum pant @thankicumpant]

Just because you're an angry feminist doesn't mean you're right.

[BridgetJones @nevernicethings]

There's three sides to every story. Yours. Theirs. And the security camera footage.

[thank i cum pant @thankicumpant]

@CallMe_Dimps https://t.co/u65J5LTYF4

[thank i cum pant @thankicumpant]

Me: how much do you like being choked during sex?

Her

Me

Her

Me

Coroner: nigga, she ded, boi.

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

NEPHEWS BIRTHDAY PARTY

ME: [ twisting a condom to form an á ] And this, kids, is a French letter.

KIDS:

SISTER: Get out.

[DrunjAF @DrunjAF]

My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger.

So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex's car.

[ugh* @heatherlou_]

Do you realize how big of an asshole you have to be to be recognized as one here?

[Bison @FunnyBison]

dog: i'm depressed
dog therapist: have you tried wagging your tail?
dog: no OMG THIS IS THE BEST! I'M CURED!

[cathryn 💚🇨🇦 @AngryRaccoon2]

"Keep your meatballs to yourself!!!!" Is what I actually yelled in a restaurant tonight and this is SO not what I thought I'd end up doing when I was over the moon at that positive pregnancy test years ago.

[sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy]

I deleted my tweet after a tumbleweed rolled by.

[thank i cum pant @thankicumpant]

@Dave_in_SoPo @Tbone7219 This is so sad. Can we hit 50 likes?