Chris Thanks

Certified B Corporation, part time enthusiast

[Nikki Glaser @NikkiGlaser]

Open relationships seem healthy

[Sam Morril @sammorril]

That was the biggest hit Will Smith has been involved in since the 90s

[Chris Thanks @thatchrisbender]

@RTaub_ Caught a woman take a mug from Starbucks so I followed her into the Bagel Boss next door, she denies it but I took it back (I was a barista there.) She stays outside eating a bagel so my friend grabs an armful of mugs runs passed her and yells I got ‘‘em where’s your car?!

[Chris Thanks @thatchrisbender]

People handle uncertainty so good.

[Chris Thanks @thatchrisbender]

Tortorella also says that if those cars just slowed down a little NASCAR would be so much more popular. #NHL

[Western Hockey League @TheWHL]

With the ninth-overall pick in the 2021 #WHLDraft, the @SeattleTbirds select forward Tij Iginla of the @rha_kelowna

[Chris Thanks @thatchrisbender]

Just fell down basement steps knowing my shoes were wet and it still feels good to blame the stairs.

[Chris Thanks @thatchrisbender]

My mom has a sticker on her vaccine card that reads My Son’s Still Not Visiting.

[Zak Toscani @zak_toscani]

So much going on here

[Sam Morril @sammorril]

Anyone who says “next” after a joke at a live comedy show should be executed at gunpoint

[Chris Thanks @thatchrisbender]

Succession has given me the best example to describe members of my family. Like the Roy’s with an Oldsmobile and no helicopters. People used to hear about them and be confused, now they don’t believe me at all.

[Chris Thanks @thatchrisbender]

As I get older I try not to fall into the you’re too young to be ___, but the locksmith I hired was 10 years old and was dropped off by his mom.

[Chris Thanks @thatchrisbender]

My mother in law examines family photo Christmas cards like a forensic scientist looking for cracks in the relationship.

[Chris Thanks @thatchrisbender]

Sorry to say, these days your Go Fund Me photo has to be really well done to get any traction with me.

[Chris Thanks @thatchrisbender]

New neighbor asked me if I moved into Mouse’s house. I thought real sentence? We all called the previous owner mouse, she says. I said oh right the sale papers were signed with a small footprint, and she’s like really? No. Best friends for life.

[Chris Thanks @thatchrisbender]

Interesting Republican philosophy: life begins at conception and everything should be done to protect that, but if that life happens to end in terror in a school hallway there’s not much to be done to change that.

[Chris Thanks @thatchrisbender]

Omicron is the mixtape that’s been quietly circulating underground but no one is sure if it’s gonna be a huge hit.

[Chris Thanks @thatchrisbender]

In 75 years your only measurement of wealth will be water and shade, but I guess I’m getting on the crypto train for now.

[eddie pepitone @eddiepepitone]

Just in time for the holidays: it’s a New Variant! We don’t know what it does yet but it’s sure to be a hit! Get yours now! Operators are standing by!