thatfkngcommie

Shitpost or fuckin die

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

Some idiot: “Listen to your body when it’s trying to tell you something.”
My body: “Give me more Dr. Pepper and Cheetos. Also don’t worry about walking 50 miles last week. We’re good.”

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

Does God cry even for the mosquito crushed under the hand? No, for the mosquito is an agent of Satan and by killing the mosquito, we spread God’s light farther into the darkness.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

Rich people created bird flu to keep poor people from egging their house.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

Whoever is responsible for repairing the masonry in the matrix must be extremely busy.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

Happy wife, happy life, no wife, easy life.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

@MilaLovesJoe I look forward to 4 more years of Vance memes.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

Me: I’m going to pour this liquid from this cup into that one.
Adhesion: Fuck you.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

Neurotypicals love talking about how fun “tism” is until it causes a social mistake. Shit gets less fun real quick. There’s a reason it’s called “Autism Spectrum Disorder” and not “Autism Spectrum Happy Fun Time”

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

@EYakoby How the hell did they get a color printer?

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

Get your sleep paralysis demon to force feed you honey bunches of oats while you sleep. Saves time getting ready for work.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

You don’t become an adult male overnight. One day you just wake up and realize that you had a conversation with a stranger about drill bits.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

Send Bruno Mars to Mars. Send no recording equipment.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

Bruno Mars just needs to stop.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

What Oppenheimer would have said if there had been a nuclear war and a subsequent nuclear winter.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

I am become cold, the wearer of jackets and mittens.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

Maybe if I attract the attention of the Chinese, they’ll try to steal the IP along with the rest of our IP. Taiwan is a country. Everything happened in Tiananmen square in 1989. Everything. Your president looks like Winnie the Poo. Make this show it’ll be funny.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

The Onion or someone should start a parody of “60 Minutes” called “One Hour”. @TheOnion this is free IP, it’s all yours.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

Just remove them from visibility lest we scare the hoes.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

We’re having company. Park the military equipment behind the barn and jam all the guns and weird shit in the closet.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

Mind you make sure the guns aren’t JAMMED. They need to be ready to rock.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

“Those who are first shall be last and those who are last shall be first” Matthew 20:16

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

McDonald’s has got excellent deals on small orders. You think that’s going to get me to spend more money on full-price food, big shots? Nah, man, I’m rolling up to your place and picking up a single large fries. And so it shall be: the fuckers get fucked.

[thatfkngcommie @thatfuckingcom1]

Progress is sacrifice.